


Converging

by AnaExpert



Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: The Animated Series
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Sexy, romy - Freeform, won't tag so I won't give the plot away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-08 17:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaExpert/pseuds/AnaExpert
Summary: My take on the recent reunion of Gambit and Rogue on Avengers. This is my first fic dealing with 'modern' Gambit and Rogue. Written on character's pov. Rogue seems happy with her new life, or is she? Gambit is showing first signs of moving on. Expect sex, drama, angst.





	1. Chapter 1

This is my take on the recent reunion of Gambit and Rogue on Avengers. There was this big hype on their supposed reunion but in the end, it was not even him, but Red Skull. Five issues later they do meet, but it's very ordinary. Anyways, this is me, a Romy fan writing, so hell yeah, they are going to meet for real from the start.

This is my first fic dealing with 'modern' Gambit and Rogue, I hope you like it. For those of you who read my stuff, the writing will resemble Love, Hate and Pain. It'll be everyone's pov, but I intend to have Rogue doing most of the talking. I hope you enjoy it.

Please read and let me know what you think of this first chapter.

-O-

Do you know when everything in your life is going well, all aspects of your life seem to be to your satisfaction but there's always something nudging you, in the corner of your mind? Screaming in your head that it could be even better, that there's someone missing. Have you ever had that certain someone somewhere deep in your heart that no matter how hard you try you just can't let go? Have you ever felt this way? No matter what you do, and how happy you have convinced yourself that you are, you can't shake off that memory, that presence. There's not a single day that goes by without me spending at least a minute thinking about him, or just remember the way he is, the way we were.

My name is Anna Marie, though I've been only known as Rogue for many years. I'm twenty-nine and I've been in the business for fourteen years now. I've fought both sides of the battle, in fact, who's to say how many sides to a cause there are? What matters is that I am free now. Free from being imprisoned in my own body due to my powers, it took me freaking ten years to mature them and be free to touch whomever I pleased. And he was there, through the years of struggle, he was there when it happened, when I finally gained control and remained in my life afterwards for a good while. How can I just let go of him?

I am an X-Man and also an Avenger. I've been working with the Avengers a lot lately, in fact. No one really loves me over there, they are just about okay I guess, but I have some X-Men buddies, like Havok and Wolverine over there. The latter one is one of my best friends. The first one is my fuck buddy right now, nothing but that. Long story, I'll get back to it later on.

Most women would like to be on my shoes right now, I'm sure. I get to wear expensive clothes whenever I feel like it, go to expensive and exclusive clubs, party like there's no tomorrow, go on adventures, the most handsome guys in New York want to date me, I work with a bunch of good-looking people who are not only hot but have super powers as well and I have travelled all over the world. Dubai, Tokyo, Rio, Barcelona, Amsterdam, London, you name it. I've been everywhere, and I can always come back whenever I please, well, almost whenever I want to. That is if something unexpected doesn't happen and changes my plans.

You see, I'm from a small town, Caldecott County in Mississippi. That's not the life I was supposed to have. So fuck yeah, I'm pretty happy with the life I lead. If I weren't a mutant with awesome powers, I'd be bare feet at home right now, pregnant with my fourth child while my husband would be out on some beer night with his friends. We'd go to church on Sundays and have boring sex before going to sleep. I'd have to contain myself so kids wouldn't hear us, I'd go to the hair salon and to the gym so that my looks wouldn't let him down and he wouldn't find some other woman. Look at the great life I have instead! I can be and I am whomever I want to be. I go out to clubs, have lots of guys staring at me, wanting to bed me and I get to choose whom I wanna play with. I love the thrill of seduction. But the other night, I found out how that could be dangerous, especially for a girl like me, a notorious superhero, and consequently everyone's favorite target.

Late last September, I got home a little tipsy, and Alex Summers was drinking alone, sitting at the sofa at our common area. Most of the time the women in here are total bitches to me, Alex is my long-time friend, not nearly as close as other X-Men, but still, he knows me while these other people don't. We chatted for a while, I told him about a guy that was playing it rough with me at the bar and he went all paternal, telling me to take care, how these things can go wrong and what's supposed to be steamy and sexy could well end up in a lot of headache. He told me about some incidents he had himself, crazy women that would call him non-stop or would accuse him of using them, when at the night before it had been perfectly obvious that it was going to be a one-time thing. We laughed about it all and our talk ended in 'Wouldn't it be nice if we could fuck one person just for the fun of it and not have to worry about all the rest?' And that's how it started, that night I ended up in bed with him. And also in many other nights after that. The one rule we have is that I should go look for him when I want to do it. That was his idea, him trying to be a gentleman about it. Developing a reliable, high-grade fuck buddy is one of the most difficult, but, ultimately, rewarding, things that a girl can do. We are great in bed but I can't help myself thinking of Remy when I'm coming. And that takes me back to Remy, it was him I was talking about before. I think of him when I see any guy in a trench coat, when I face some challenging situation, I'll think 'What would Remy do'? There are a million things that trigger the memory of him, so much so I get overwhelmed by it sometimes.

It's been one year since we have last seen each other. I was having dinner with Scarlet Witch and Black Widow, they had been mocking my Southern accent and I was about to tell both to fuck off when Natasha asked me if that gorgeous sexy man sitting at a table to our left was my ex-boy. He saw us too, threw his napkin on the table, left a frowning man in tailored suit alone, and approached us. He did his thing, what he usually does, charmed all women and then focused his attention on me. Leaning in to kiss me, he brushed his hand on my face lovingly and our lips touched. He kissed me gently and I kissed him back without a second of hesitation. Sometimes it amazes me how he's got me wrapped around his finger. I left my dinner companions behind and so did he. When we entered the elevator, he hit the emergency button, and we made out. We exchanged very few words before the 'my place or your place' dialogue took place. Before falling asleep in each other's arms, we talked about what we'd both been doing lately and he mentioned the time 'when we were together'. And that's when I learned we weren't anymore, I mean, together. We never broke up, we just drifted away spontaneously, unceremoniously, and much to my surprise, silently. He was always going back to New Orleans while I took the job with the Avengers, it just happened. We were seeing each other less and less until we saw each other no more.

We called each other a couple of times after that night, but it was about it. That's the longest I've been without him in my life and now it's starting to bother me. I won't go looking for him, I know I can lean on him if I ever need him. We have that kind of connection, so I'll just let him be. We are not at the same page right now. I'm a hero and well, he's back to thieving and risking his life for whatever silly reasons people throw at him. I like the stable life of a team better than he does. So that's that.

Even so, I'd think of him every once in a while, he was the man in my life, there's no ignoring it. But he was safely locked in the back of mind. That was until last week, I was with the Avengers Unity Squad hunting down information on the Red Skull's whereabouts since the villain now possesses Professor X's telepathic brain, making him an even greater threat. The team learned that the Skull has a safe in a bank in Bagalia and naturally we made our way there immediately.

Much to my surprise, while breaking into the Red Skull's elaborate section of the bank, Johnny and I run into no one other than him, Gambit, aka Remy LeBeau, my ex-lover, the one and only who has ever truly owned my heart and soul. At the very instant I laid eyes on him, I knew life wouldn't be the same again.

-O-

It's been six months since I met him in that gala fundraiser, when he changed my whole world upside down. Interfering in my life and changing it in all the right ways. He's just asked me if I'd like to move in with him, and I don't know what to make of it. The thing that's bugging me is that her photo is still on show, her striking green eyes and that silly hair of hers with the white streak. Does she dye it that way or is it natural? Because if she dyes it, then she's even dumber than I thought. What about her facial expression? I feel like she's laughing at me. As if her happy face that is perfectly frozen in time, is laughing and thinking 'Yeah, you got that right, I'll always be around, always in his mind.'

Why is it that he keeps his picture with his ex is on display after God knows how long it's been since they were together? I'd been meaning to ask him, but decided against it. Maybe drawing attention to it, to her, would only make things more difficult.

I have to admit I hate how they look so happy in it. That picture has to go, and it has to be his decision. I won't move in while she's still there, omnipotent, dominating. Yeah, he's gotta let it go alright.

-O-o-O-o-O-


	2. Skeletons in my closet

I saw him and my past took over in a wild blur of images flashing in my mind. My friend, my man, my love, the love we shared, our baby. Our baby! Of all the things, why would I have to remember that? I hardly ever think of what happened all those years ago. It scarred me so badly, but I healed. I always heal.

I was overwhelmed by those memories and felt I was about to hyperventilate, then I remembered Johnny was there with me and it helped me hold my ground. Remy flashed his lopsided grin at the sight of me and greeted me casually, commenting on how long it had been since we'd last seen each other. I thought to myself 'Damn right, sugar. Too goddamn long for my comfort and I just can't deal with it.' I couldn't and I can't. My life seemed perfect until I laid my eyes on that devil. They didn't call him le diable blanc for nothing, sugar. No, they didn't, I know that only too well.

He then asked me if I wanted to discuss our last split. Seriously? Now it's a split? I thought we had never said a thing about it, there was never a 'goodbye, it's been good but…'. So technically, there had been no split. We just weren't together anymore, and to this moment, I don't know exactly why. Like I said before, we drifted away. But we didn't break up, most importantly, I didn't break, I didn't hurt or bleed, not this time. I just kept living my life in the fast lane and having no regrets, or at least I thought I didn't have any, up to that moment. Then I thought he obviously wanted to distract so he could get away with whatever it was that he was up to.

Then his lips were moving again but I didn't pay any attention to what he was saying. The fact that he had impregnated me once was all I could think of, for some fucked up reason, my mind was sabotaging me, and then, there were also his eyes, his charm, his lips. I said something silly and puckered up my lips for him to kiss me, just like I had done so many times before. And that's when the lightning strikes, he places one of his cards between both our lips and says he can't risk being poisoned by the T-mist I had been exposed to early this year.

So he knew about it! He knew and didn't even bother to call me to ask me if I was okay and what's worse, he didn't want to see me because he was a selfish bastard that couldn't risk his good health for a friend, in fact more than a friend. I thought I meant a lot to him, like he does to me. But apparently, that's not the case.

I got poisoned as I was trying to save some mutants I'd never seen before in my life from it. That's what I do, I save people. I put people in need of help before my own self. He used to do the same as an X-Man. What the fuck is wrong with him? I was so shocked at his words that I let him off, I was frozen in place and he escaped the bank with the greatest of ease because I let him. Johnny watched the scene play before him without saying or doing anything at all.

When we got back to the hotel, I locked myself up in my room, had Adele playing on my cell phone. Feeling very sorry for myself, I let myself drown in tears.

"I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head

But don't you remember, don't you remember?  
The reason you loved me before  
Baby please remember me once more

When was the last time you thought of me?  
Or have you completely erased me from your memories?  
'Cause I often think about where I went wrong  
And the more I do, the less I know..."

And that's when I heard a knock on my door. It was Johnny, Johnny Storm.

"I knew you were not alright, I saw the look on your face when you saw him. But when I realized you were listening to these sad songs, I thought maybe you needed some intervention."

"I'm alright." I lied and it was pointless. My face was all wet with tears, I was still sniffing to stop myself from crying even more. I took a good look at him, he was leaning to one side of my door, and had a weak but inviting smile and he was holding a bottle of wine. Realizing I was staring, he said alcohol cures everything. I have to agree with him on that one. I invited him in and the rest, well I could bore you with the sordid details, but let's just say that I know now where he's got the Human Torch code name from. Fuck yeah, he's definitely good, his body on fire. He made me come so hard that I still had my body in spasms minutes after it finished.

He's a total womanizer, I know and that's just what I needed, someone discreet enough, cool enough not bother me with insinuations of how he's had sex with me. We can still be on the same team and be totally cool about it. Before he left, I joked about how now his sticker album was almost complete, the album entitled 'Avengers Women I slept with'.

"True, beautiful. You were one of the rare stickers." He then blinked at me.

"Johnny, thank you. Thank you for coming to the rescue when I was down."

"You're welcome. Whenever you need a fix of the Human Torch, all you need to do is ask, pretty."

When he left, I wasn't feeling desperately sad anymore. So, it was all worth it. But my heart was still heavy with heartbreak, disappointment and I couldn't help but think of what he said. It got me thinking of all the things we did for each other. It didn't make any sense. There were so many times when we risked our own lives for each other. So many near life or death situations and we would always act selflessly whenever the other one was concerned. And now that!

Laying in bed, I stared at the ceiling. And suddenly the memory of Hank towering over me as I laid in a bed in the recovery room. I had been gravely injured in a battle and had just woke up from a coma. Hank looked at me full of tenderness and concern, his eyes saddened and full of compassion. He informed Remy was very worried when he heard about my injury, abandoned his own mission and was coming back to the mansion to be with me, he'd arrive in a couple of hours.

"Rogue, I feel I have to be honest with you, though it kills me to be in this position, to be the one to tell you this."

"What is it, Hank? Whatever it is, I can take it, sugar." If I knew what he was talking about, I wouldn't have said that.

"The baby, Rogue. You lost the baby. I didn't tell Remy, though. I thought you had to decide if you wanted me to give him the news or if you'd tell him yourself."

"Baby? What baby? Hank, what are you talking about?"

"Sorry, my dear friend. You had a miscarriage, you were badly hurt and your baby, he didn't make it." At this point my whole body was trembling as I realized what he was saying. I told him I didn't know I was pregnant. This had happened just after we came back to the mansion after spending the lovely time we had in Valle Soleada, California. I had lost my powers and we had settled there. For the first time ever I had the opportunity to know what it would be like to have a solid relationship with someone, built in trust and love. Those were our best days ever. I was his woman, he was my man. We didn't wear rings, but we were as committed to each other as we possibly could be. When our powers came back, we went back to the mansion and four months later, I miscarriaged.

I asked, no, not asked, correction, I begged Hank not to tell Remy. I didn't want him to know. What good would it bring? I could carry that cross for both of us. He could still be saved, saved from that knowledge, that we had made life and that I let it slip away. I felt guilty, I felt the loss, it was horrible. If only I had realized I was expecting, I would have spared myself, I wouldn't be going on missions. Hank told me the baby was five months old. I demanded to him, he didn't want to let me, but I won in the end. He was a boy and he looked like a real baby already, with his tiny little fingers and toes. I didn't want to touch him though. Hank helped me give him a proper burial, it was only him and me.

But why? Why do I have to remember this now? After years spent in therapy, I was at peace with the loss of my baby. Why did Remy trigger all of that? All those negative feelings? Why did he have to be such a jerk? I want to hate him for what he said to me, but I can't bring myself to do it.

What are the odds? Count on bumping into your ex, your eternal love flame, when you finally decide to move on. Now I can't stop thinking of her and how I have put my fucking foot in my mouth. What I said, there's no excuse. I guess this one makes it to my top 10 biggest fuck ups. In my stupidity, I thought that was the only way I could keep from kissing her mouth, that mouth of hers that I know perfectly fucking well how good it tastes. God damn it, she makes me slow in my head, I was caught off my guard, I tried to act cool, but totally screwed up. She must hate me now. And right on, she should! Who wouldn't? But what she doesn't know is that yes, I knew she was poisoned, but I also know she was somehow unaffected by it. Otherwise, if she had fallen real sick, of course, I'd go to her. I had people informing me of her health, I wanted to keep my distance but I cared too much not to try and learn about her. I also know she's sleeping with Havok. Never thought I'd see a day like that. Also never knew she had something for blonds, but maybe I'm under that impression because she never seemed to have anything for anyone else but me for a long while.

I finish off another cigarette and steal a glance at Joelle sleeping peacefully by my side. She draws me in then pushes me away, that one. Which reminds me of Anna, which must've been why I was attracted to Joelle in the first place. I try calling Anna yet again but my call goes unanswered, as all the other calls before this one. I guess I'll have to track her down. I can't let her go without me apologizing and making things right. I lay my head on my pillow, getting ready for another sleepless night.


	3. The Gala

Next morning, Joelle went to her place. I asked her why she wouldn't just stay. She could move in with me at once, as I had asked her to but she said she still didn't feel I was committed to our relationship enough. If I'm the one who asked her to take a step further, how the fuck I'm not that invested in us? If only she knew what I had done for her, that I turned down Anna's kiss for her, she'd think differently. She has no idea the kind of history Anna and I have, how difficult it was for me and how I broke her heart to get away from her, to be faithful.

On her way out, Joelle accidentally knocked out a picture frame and mumbled something I didn't catch. I held her arm and asked her what the matter was, and she simply said she'd see me later. The look in her blue eyes screamed 'Give me space, Remy.'.

After she left, I went to clean up the mess and I saw the picture in that frame and something finally clicked in the right place, a piece of the puzzle. Well, perhaps, she does know or imagines just how much history we have. Now I know what Joelle meant when she accused me of not being committed to us. The frame I now know she deliberately knocked down held a picture of me and Anna, my favorite one of all. There are some pictures of us that you can see the lust, the passion in our eyes, those are plain sexy, but this one, she looks absolutely adorable, beautiful, like an angel and happy, truly happy. It's there so I remember I've made ma chére blissfully happy once.

I always kept that picture on a frame, it was taken on a night out we had in Valle Soleada, I was so in love with her, I could have proposed to her that night. I definitely felt like marrying her back then, we were so happy, so right. In fact, we were so happy that I was afraid putting a label on it would ruin it all. She's got her wild ways and a lack of sophistication when dealing with love and relationships that is hard to ignore. I was afraid if I tried to get more than what we had, I'd scare her away, I'd ruin the perfect balance we had those days. How did we go so wrong? Then my thoughts are back to the present, and I think of Joelle. I convinced her to stop looking for a way to end her life, and what for? For this? To break her heart? To daydream and fall back in love with my ex? I can't do that, I won't do that.

I fetch the picture off the floor. No matter what happens, what we do to each other, I want to keep it, us, our smiles, that memory of us. I would sweep the glass off the floor later, I decided. I take another good look at it, and sigh, I open my closet then I keep it inside a coat pocket, one I rarely ever wear. That's when I decided, I wouldn't look for her to apologize. How could that help me? I'd probably put myself in the dangerous position of being close to her and denying her a kiss, a touch, or worst even, sex. I don't know if I could be that strong. Last time we did it was so great, we were always great in bed. Even when she was an inexperienced virgin, the chemistry we have is and has always been unbelievable. It made up for the lack of experience. She always purrs in my ear when I enter her and I'm already wishing I could fuck her every day, for the rest of my life, forever and a day. You know that sex love? I feel like saying I love her every time and sometimes I feel like I'm out of love and then we go and have sex and in an instant my dick decides that yes, I love her. I'm forever in love with her. No other women makes me feel that way. No other women gets me confused like that. I've always been quite good in compartmentalization. I know when it's love and when it's just the sex. With Joelle, I think it's love. I care about her, in a way I haven't cared for any other woman that wasn't Rogue in a very long time. I'd better do this right.

We're back to New York and my encounter with Remy now seems like something out of a wet dream turned into a nightmare. After that night, he called me non-stop for a couple of days. I couldn't find it in me to answer the phone. I knew I'd break down and cry and I don't want him to know that I still hurt, that I still miss him, miss him like fucking crazy. I probably still love that dirty thief, the fucking swamp rat. Oh, I remember his eyes, his lips, and the mean words that left them, and my lips are trembling and I'm fighting the urge to cry. When facing that kind of longing, that kind of pain, I do what I know how to do best, immerse myself in work. So that's what I did.

Weeks go by, and the memory of him is fading away again. One late night, I hear a timid knock on my door. 'Who can it be?' I think to myself while I creep out of bed.

"Alex? I wasn't expecting you." I say bluntly, as unmannerly as I could possibly act.

"Hi, Anna. Haven't seen too much of you lately. I was wondering if you are okay." At the incredulous look I had most probably threw at him, he continued. "Oh! Anna, this isn't about us, I mean, er... I don't expect us to... I just came here as your friend. Trust me on this one."

"No, it's okay, Alex. Seriously, it's okay. It's just that, nobody ever comes by over here. I guess this is more an X-Men think to do, don't you think, sugar?" I then told him how I was having a Game of Thrones marathon and he was thrilled to join me in bed so we could watch it together.

"We could get some popcorn!" He said enthusiastically.

"I have vodka! We could mix it up with something, juice, maybe?"

And we headed to the kitchen, talking loudly. I was busy trying to find a bowl when Logan showed up, and raided the fridge for a beer. We invited him to join us but he refused.

"You kids go ahead and have fun. But I gotta say, it does warm my heart seeing you like that, reminds me of the good old days."

"It does, doesn't it, Wolvie? I had just commented on that."

We headed back to my bedroom and we watched three or four episodes before he took his cue and said he had to rest to be in good shape for the next day. I stood up to lead him to the door when he looked into my eyes and smiled, telling me he had a great time. He accidentally let it slip that it reminded him of what it was like for him to lay in bed with Lorna, talking, watching their favorite things together.

"I guess I have a thing for girls with weird hair." He commented and I laughed out loud at his remark. "I sometimes miss her." He confessed. "I miss having someone like her in my life, someone that knows me so well, someone I love and trust."

My heart went out for him, I knew what he was talking about. She means to him what Remy means to me. His eyes, his longing eyes staring into mine... they were more than I could take so I kissed him. He kissed me back. My hands went into his blond hair as our kiss grew more passionate. He took me in his arms and back to bed. I undressed, he undressed, we had sex.

Suddenly I am lying on my stomach and he is on top of me, fucking me from behind. The welcome burden of his weight, his legs on either side of me, our connection, all of it is driving me crazy. One hand of his interlaces with one of mine, which I find oddly and unexpectedly romantic, while the other hand toys with my clit. My moaning grows louder and I am at my most primal when his lips brush my ear, I am about to come and then, then... I'm totally screwed up. That's so not what I needed.

"Mmmm, you're so great, babe. I love you, Anna."

It was too late and he ended up drifting off and so did I. And that's how he slept with me in my bed for the very first time. In hindsight I know exactly why I let him stay, I didn't want to kick him out after he said he loved me, even though I know for a fact it was motivated by an orgasm, it would be harsh, wouldn't it?

Four weeks later, we decide to attend a The Jean Grey School For Gifted Youngsters Fundraising Gala at last minute. We thought we'd be out of town with the Avengers and so regretfully declined the invitation. Things changed and we were free. We didn't tell Ororo we were coming and decided it would be a surprise. Who needs their name on the list? We are X-Men, the three of us, before anything else, of course they'll let us in. Ororo always puts up an spectacular star-studded black-tie event that features cocktails, a seated dinner, a live auction of luxury items, musical performances, and a special tribute to our beloved late Charles Xavier.

Their Gala has become one of New York City's most successful and high-profile benefit events. The Gala consistently attracts—and salutes—some of the biggest names in entertainment, fashion, art, and obviously, prominent mutants and members of the superhero community.

We were having a great time, sipping on champagne and reminiscing on the good old times when out of the corner of my eye I see him and her, that girl, I know that girl, I think hard and I remember, she's the one I had the displeasure of finding waking up by his side in the middle of the snow last year when he got entangled in all kinds of webs of bullshit. So this is it, I know him, that's why he didn't kiss me, he's having something for real with this girl. He could be many things that dirty thief of mine, I mean, of hers, but he's not a cheater. I catch his eye and his face goes pale, can't remember a situation when he hasn't acted cool. And I smile despite myself. That could be funny.

So here I am in a X-Men party with my X-Man boyfriend when he sees his ex-X-Men-girlfriend. This is proving to be too much hassle and I start questioning if he's worth all this trouble. I take a quick glance and decide, this good looking and sexy in his black suit and tie, yes, he's totally worth it. He goes all rigid at the sight of her, trying to disguise she has any effect on him, he turns his attention to me and kisses me. Well, at least that comes to show he respects me and is trying hard to get past the ghost of her to be with me. When our lips part, I look at him and smile. What a silly little boy, he really thinks he can fool me. He forgets that I've lived the amount of years of his age four times. I know men, he's not absurdly different than any of them. But I still like him anyway. He's charming and naive. Hell, when you're almost 120 years of age, everyone is naive to you.

I see her smiling at him and I hate her. You never knew what to do with him or what you wanted from him, darling. Too bad for you, I do. I slid one hand down to his ass and pressed my body into his, kissing him again. This time I make sure she is watching. I know that kind of girl, immature, indecisive, when she sees her beau moving on, that's when she decides she wanted him all along. Guess what, darling. You won't get what you want. Not this time.

-O-

A/N - I know the miscarriage was a bit of a shocker last chapter and it didn't get any mention here. Instead, I just went and created more havoc (Coincidence in the choice of words? I don't think so. LOL). I hope you enjoyed it, otherwise, you can just go and use the review section to yell at me.

And the reason why she didn't know she was pregnant, what I imagined anyway, is that since she was coming back to the mansion after a sabbatical, she'd train really hard and put herself in a lot of stress. A lack of menstrual periods can happen when there is weight loss, disordered eating, or intense training or exercise. Because of her line of work, she had surely experienced that before and didn't find it odd. So, there you go.


	4. Say My Name

Just when I thought I was going to tease him, have fun trying to seduce him, the bitch goes and kisses him. She looked at me, I saw it. It was deliberate, she wanted me to see it, that witch. What came as a surprise though, was the fact that it actually hurt me. I felt the sharp pain like a dagger through my heart, it fucking hurt me to see him kissing another woman. That was the first time ever. One thing is knowing about his Don Juan fame, another completely different thing is seeing it with my own eyes.

My heart races, my breathing quickens and there's the knot in my throat strangling me. I feel my eyes pooling with tears about to fall, if I blink, they'll roll down my face, so I fight it. I decide it's better to run off to the ladies' room to shed the inevitable tears in privacy. I won't give his woman that satisfaction, the taste of my tears, the victory they represent.

As I rush away from the scene, I bump into someone. I look up and instantly recognize the friendly smile.

"Oh my God! Anna! It's you! I thought you were not coming. Long time no see!" She just wouldn't stop speaking, until she took in the misery on my facial expression. "Now wait, what's happened?" She takes a look around and sees what I've seen. It was Kitty. I told her unnecessarily what was bugging me. Before I knew it, Emma was also there. Both of them all over me, they always helped me out with Remy related drama. I guess it always makes them feel like they are better, useful friends.

"The bitch! If I were you, I'd go there, sit on his lap, throw my arms around his neck and ask him how he's been." Emma said.

"No, don't do that! He'll feel like his worth your time, and he isn't." Kitty expressed her disapproval of Emma's antics. "I bet it hurts that he has moved on and brought his new lady along to our gala, but come on, Anna. You're free to kiss anyone here tonight. Show him how much fun it is not having to carry his dead weight around. The burden it was, your love for him." She continued. I'm not quite sure I agree with her, we had fun times.

"Badmouthing him won't help, Kitty. It never did. If anything, it will make her even the more attracted to him." Emma offered. "Besides, he's got a cute piece of ass. I don't blame her."

"Guys, you're not helping." I said. But the truth is they were, their bitching at least made my urge to cry to go away. It was entertaining and it definitely got me distracted. I managed to swerve our conversation to less polemic topics, champagne found us and we were sipping happily from our flutes of bubbly, I was pinching the stem between my index finger and thumb, very ladylike. I was feeling proud of myself and my nonchalance after almost breaking down in tears minutes earlier. But the show I had put up was to be short-lived as he approached us. Uninvited, unannounced.

"Good evening, ladies." He said, all charm and swagger, he snaked an arm around my waist and kissed me lightly on my cheek. He greeted the other ladies with kisses on their cheeks as well, but kept one hand steady on my waist all the while.

"Hi, Gambit." Kitty said uninterested, I whispered a little 'Hi'.

"So your owner let you out of your leash for you to go and have a quick pee?" Emma asked him with a raised eyebrow. I spit out the drink and almost choked laughing, letting all my façade of indifference go to waste. He responded to her question as he always reacts to anything, flashing his lopsided smirk.

"You could say that, blondie."

"It's all right, Emma. She's marked her territory already, there's nothing to worry about." I said, referring to her kissing him earlier, he didn't make any questions and understood what I was talking about.

"If Alex Summers was any wiser, he'd do the same. You look hot tonight, chére." He said, letting me know he knew about my escapades with Alex. Who told him? I can't say I'm sure but I have my guesses. I bet Logan did, so he'd keep Remy well away from me. He too was one of my friends who thought my relationship with Remy was toxic.

"Gosh, the sexual tension between the two of you is unbearable. I'm off." Emma said as she left us behind, Kitty followed her. Emma was not finished though, she turned around and added.

"And by the way, you two are both thinking of the same night of sex you had in Remy's place. Isn't that cute?" Emma has such acid sense of humour. Sometimes I love this about her, right now I hate it. Remy looked at me and chuckled, confirming he was indeed thinking about it. I felt my cheeks burning up, denouncing me. I hate it that I blush so easily.

"So chére, after our last encounter, I called you a thousand times and you never picked up. I take it that you're mad at me." I sighed heavily. "Now after what Emma said, I'm confused. Are you?" He held my chin with a finger which I promptly slapped away.

"Oh shut up, Remy!" I said rolling my eyes at him, turning to leave as well. He was faster than me and held my arm. I cursed under my breath, he came closer, too close for my comfort. Our eyes locked, and he said he only wanted to apologize for what he had said back inside Red Skull's bank vault.

"I could have anyone mad at me, chére, but you." I looked away and he held my face so I couldn't avoid his eyes, our lips almost touching. "I guess you know now why I did it. I'm trying, chére, don't deny me that. I'm moving on. We both know we should've done that long ago." At the moment I realized that we were almost panting the two of us and our breathing was in the same pace and rhythm. He then gave me the ex-lover speech, he'll always care for me and shit then left me alone, only to go to her again.

After that, it wouldn't take a mathematician to guess the party went downhill for me. I woke up next morning in a bed that was not mine, wearing some male's tee and boxers. I look around and see the dress I'd been wearing the night before hanging on a chair, my shoes placed neatly on the floor, my panties, yes, my panties nicely folded on seat of the same chair. It looked off, definitely not like someone sexed me up and took advantage of my heartbreak.

"Hey, pretty. Are you alright?" Phew! It was Bobby. Remember how I told you a girl should have a fuck buddy? Erase that, the best thing a girl could do for herself is to have a best gay friend.

"Headache." I admitted simply. "Don't remember much. Enlighten me."

He then went on to tell me last night's odyssey. Of all the embarrassing things I did, the worst for him was that I threw myself on the pool, clothes and all.

"Anna, that's not how you treat a Gucci dress, sweetie. I couldn't find it in me to have it tumble dried. I dried your undies though. It's ready for you if you want it." And he went on, saying he didn't know why I even bothered to wear undies if they were such a teeny tiny little piece of cloth. "Now tell me, I know this has something to do with Remy. What was it this time? Was it his girlfriend that got you out of control?" I told him all about it, our last encounter, my feelings, what he said to me at the party, her kissing him for me to see, drop to the floor and die with jealousy, everything. The greatest thing about Bobby is that he listens avidly to every little thing I say, pays close attention to every single detail and he never judges me.

"Anna, I get it. You still love him, hell, I know that for some fucked up reason you just don't know how to get over that guy. But seriously, I know he's hot, and hey, I mean it, if he as much as snapped his fingers at me, I'd be on my fours waiting for him to fuck me senseless. BUT, girl, he's not the only man in the world! There's gotta be someone else who can turn you on, who can work for you." And there we go again, back to square one. I'm suddenly feeling very tired, tired of discussing Remy. I tell Bobby about Alex and he goes like. "Alex? Seriously? What the fuck were you thinking?"

I want to bury my head in the sand by this point. Thankfully, Bobby is such an insightful friend and instead of pressing the matter against me, he offers to spend the day with me. He's such a great friend. We had a lot of fun, flirting away during lunch. He got himself a couple of telephone numbers while I was still sulking over Remy kissing another woman in front of me. In the evening, we enjoyed a couple of comedy movies that made wonders for my mood.

Before saying goodbye, I took a good look at my best friend and think of how I never told him about my miscarriage. The memory of my baby keeps popping in my head lately, it's gonna be his five-year death anniversary and perhaps it would be nice to have someone accompany me to his grave this year.

"What is it, Anna?" He asks me sensing I'm somewhere else, lost in my thoughts. And I, I completely my resolution to tell him about it. Yeah, I guess I'll just go alone again this year.

-O-

We go back home after another couple of hours enduring his mutant friends and his ex around. When he waved goodbye at them all from a distance, I saw the look on her face, and also registered the sadness in his eyes. No, it was not sadness, I guess he felt ashamed, or guilty for having a life away from them all, a life with me.

When we entered the apartment, he practically lunged at me, taking my clothes off, pinning me against the wall, he kissed my neck up and down as if his life depended on it. He whispered into my ear in a husky voice: "You don't know the effect you have on me." And that's when I wondered if he was talking to me, Joelle or to Rogue, his ex. I pulled his face away from me, pulling him by his hair and demanded he said my name.

"Say my name!" I remembered shouting at his face. "Say my name, Remy."

"Joelle! Your name is Joelle! What's got into you?" He asks with a frown, his hands, which were very busy up to that moment, fall on his sides. I decide I have to take matters into my hands now that I hurt his feelings, so I grabbed his wrists and pushed him roughly against the wall, pressing my lips against his and pinning his hips against the wall. After a few seconds he yanked his wrists free from my grasp and then grabbed onto my shoulders and his lips, oh those lips, are once again moving against mine with a need, or a want, desperation maybe, I'm not sure of at this point, and it surpasses anything I've ever felt. My hands grab his face and I deepen the kiss. I don't want it to end. His tongue explores my mouth and his hand grabbed my left leg, wrapping it around his hip, making my dress bunch at my waist. We stay like this for a few more moments, our lips never parting. I'm stuck between the wall and him. He's warm and solid and I can't stop touching him, his chest, his abs, his back, his arms, his lips are everywhere, on my neck, my chest, they move fast and yet agonizingly slow. Then he trails his lips down my neck to my shoulders, moving the strap to my dress and my bra to the side. I started pulling at his shirt, untucking it from his pants and then begin unbuttoning it. He looks glorious all groomed like that. We should go to galas every day so I get to see him smoking hot and elegant like that more often. After the last of his buttons is loose I pushed his shirt off and my heart skipped at the sight of his bare chest. I should be used to it by now, but it still has a wow effect on me. I push even closer to him and trail my hands down his body, getting to his belt, and I quickly undo it. His breathing is heavy and I finally pull it off, throwing it to the side. Before I can go any further he grabs my arm and drags me down the hall to his room. It's mostly bare, a table on each side of his bed, which lies in the middle, white sheets still unmade from our loving session before the party. He shoved me through the doorway and closes it behind him. He then spins me around, backing me further into his room, and closer to his bed.

As we make love, I smile in victory. Hell yeah, he's making love to me, not to her.

-O-

I put Joelle to sleep, in the best way I can. As she sleeps soundly, I get up and go to the balcony for a cigarette. I think about everything that happened that night, and inevitably, my mind takes me back to Anna, beautiful Anna in that dress that took my breath away. I take another drag at my cigarette and I decide I have to see her again. Not today or tomorrow, I don't know when, but I gotta see her again soon. Just because.


	5. Steps in the Dark

Joelle said she was going to be away for a week or two. This is how it is, she's got her secrets, I've got mine and we have no intention of sharing them with each other. Her cold blue eyes gave nothing away when she said goodbye. I can't even tell if she's going to have herself a good time or is going to a funeral. I can't read her, my empathy allows me to pick up on people's feelings, but hers, I can't. It's like she's a blank page. And I quite like that, I like it that she's mysterious. Maybe I've found my match.

She says she wants me in her life, but sometimes acts like she's had enough of me. When I think I've had enough of her, she gives me a hard time and it renews my wanting for her. I always enjoyed a challenge. Wasn't it what had me so hooked on Anna? She was the ultimate challenge. The girl that can't be touched. But silly me, I fell onto a trap. With her, sooner than I expected, it was not only about the challenge anymore. I couldn't care less if I was going to touch her, or if I would die trying to. I fell in love with her. I loved her, truly loved her. Years of my life I spent pursuing that woman, until we finally had some time like any regular couple. That was the summer of my life in California, it lasted for six months. I wanted it to have lasted a lifetime. But after Summer, you know, comes fall, then winter. And when it came, it hit me real hard. She pulled the fucking rug from under my feet.

We came back to the mansion, she'd grown a bit less warm, always very apologetic because we couldn't touch anymore. That was our Fall, my fall. I didn't care, I didn't need the sex, true, it was great, oh so great, but I wanted her, the person she is, my Anna. With or without touching. With or without sex. If I could hold her close to me during my darkest moments, that was enough. What was so hard to get? Some months after we returned, she got injured in a battle, seriously injured, and then, came our winter. She shut me out like it's nobody's business. She was so distant, I tried and tried to warm her up, but to no avail. That's when we started our on and off saga. Then came spring, we had some glory sunny days together and days of gushes of wintry cold winds apart.

Summer? Well, as I said, that was THE summer of my life, but summer comes back every year, it did for me. It was not the Summer of 69 like in that Bryan Adams' song, it was just another summer. Some excitement came from flings and even from little flashbacks with Anna, nights we spent together, but this year's summer I have Joelle. It's the warmest it's been ever since The Winter. But, of course, I'll never forget that Summer of 69, so that's why I'm here like a complete idiot watching her window for hours on end, waiting on her to make a move, to go somewhere. I need to follow. I need to see what her life is really like now. Don't ask me why. I just do. Bumping into her in the middle of a mission doesn't count as seeing with her. Seeing her at a party with my new lady in tow doesn't either. What about that time she tracked me in the middle of a heist and fucking turned the security alarm on me? L'enfer! I bet she laughed at that memory for a solid week. Her room lights are off now. Here we go.

-O-

Breath in, breath out, Anna, I tell myself. It can't be that hard.

The last days passed me by in a blur. Bobby made himself more present and available than usual. Despite both our busy schedules, he made a point of calling me every day to check on me. He's so sweet! Alex and I haven't had sex lately. If I was broken seeing Remy with his girlfriend, Alex totally lost his cool because Lorna was at the party with another man. The guy was gorgeous, the two of them seemed happy and hitting it off. So sex is off the table for Alex and me. We have other stuff going on and sex won't help.

Now, today is the day and I feel miserable.

Why do I have such a gloomy day every year? It's like there's lead in my heart, no, like it's actually made of lead, so heavy it is that it brings me down, down to the ground. It gets me lying at the cold hard floor. But still, I get up, I do things I'm supposed to do all day long. But I swear to God, if Black Widow as much as speaks to me in the wrong way or Pietro gets funny, I'll punch their faces today. I'm so not in the mood for their teasing. If Rogers gets too demanding, I'll tell him to fuck off. Man, I gotta get my shit together. Breath in, breath out, Rogue. You're a fighter, aren't you? So behave like one.

Day's done and I'm in my room for hours now. I finally manage to gather the strength to move, I take a shower, and put on some warm clothes. I get my green cloak and slide the hood over my head, tucking my white strands inside. Speeding through the hall, I make my way to the door. Havok was there with the others, he watched me but didn't dare say anything as I brushed past him.

I decide I'll get there on foot. I walk and walk and walk through the November cold streets, sometimes I feel like I'm being followed, then I change my planned course, mingle with other pedestrians, and keep glancing over my shoulder until the feeling goes away.

I climb the wall and go in. Main gate is closed at this time already. I hear my own footsteps, the clack tap of my boots against the concrete driveway and there's also another sound, the thumping of my own heart. It's loud and disconcerting. I'm so nervous and I don't know why. I'm visiting my son, my little angel that lays on this cold ground. Why should I be feeling so unsettled? I've been here before, many times. Why is this year's anniversary any more difficult than all the other years?

I spot his grave, I see his name, the name I gave him when Hank helped me do the paperwork required for him to get a proper burial.

Etienne Darkholme.

My last name, as I was the one signing the papers and his middle name, I thought I owed him that, even though he didn't learn about our baby, our sweet innocent baby that I never cradled in my arms. That little one was half me, half him, Remy deserved him to have his name.

God, this still hurts so much! And that's why I don't regret hiding this from him. What good would it bring? Our baby was dead, nothing could bring him back. Why let Remy go through this pain as well? Sometimes I imagine how my life would've been if I hadn't boarded that jet and didn't join the team in that mission. If I had known I was pregnant. Would Remy welcome the news? Would we be together and more importantly, stay together? I trace my baby's name on the cold stone with my fingers and push these 'what if' thoughts away and focus on him, my angel. I put my hood down in respect for him, get the folded paper out of my jeans pocket and start reading him the poem I wrote him this year as I feel the hot tears streaming down my face.

When I finish, I hear a little sound coming from behind the trees, I look over my shoulder. Dread fills me whole. There's a human figure in the dark. Someone's been watching me and my heart seems like it's going to pump right out of my chest, my blood ran cold. Then I see the coat, that trench coat. It's him! Him of all people! I feel like I'm going to faint. This cannot be happening, it just can't.

"Chére" He says. "Why here at this time of night? I never knew you had someone important to you buried in a cemetery here in New York!" So he hasn't heard me reciting the poem, I conclude. But it doesn't take long for him to figure it all out. He scans the name on the tombstone, the dates and looks horrified as he suspects the truth.

"Anna, what's this all about?" I couldn't bring myself to speak, I had been crying before he arrived, now I was sobbing uncontrollably. "Just say it, Anna." He demanded. "Is this what I think it is?"

"What are you doing here anyway? Why were you following me?" I spat at him.

"Answer me first, Anna." He comes close and his arms envelop me, he holds me, forcing my face against his chest. "Tell me, Anna. Please, just tell me." He kisses the top of my head tenderly. I wasn't expecting that.

I tell him all that happened and how I didn't want to hurt him with the knowledge of that. Ignorance is a bliss and stuff. He lets go of me, I can see it in his eyes, the hurt, and his disappointment in me.

He walks away and sits on the grass, resting his elbows on his knees as his hands make it into his hair, balling fists. I allow him his own time, watching him with bated breath. Still standing, I step backwards, hugging myself, I feel my whole body shaking. He turns his face to me, his red eyes shining with tears.

"I can't believe you wouldn't tell me about this, about him. Why didn't you lean on me, chére? Together we stood a bigger chance of going through this, now alone, look at you, you clearly haven't handled it very well, now have you?"

He was probably right, but I wouldn't say so. He stands up only to crouch down by our son's tombstone. He says a prayer in French and then, stands up and walks away. I stay there, frozen in place.

"Let's go." He says. I still can't bring myself to move. "Anna, we can't just leave this like that. Come with me." So, I follow him. He tells me Joelle is away and we could head to his apartment, stating we can't talk about it all in some café or bar, this requires privacy.

As I enter, I can't help but notice that our photo on that frame is gone. He offers me coffee and I accept it. It felt so awkward being there, after all the cards were on the table, the truth out. He sat down at a chair across from me, he stared me in the eyes all the while and it unnerved me. Even so, I told him everything he wanted to know and God, did he want to know it all, all the details. He listened to it all in silence, calmly and at one given point, it made me mad, I had enough of his placidity.

"Remy, will you just sit there and stare at me with compassionate eyes? Won't you shout at me, call me names, break your plates on the wall?"

"No."

"Why the hell not? Don't you just hate me right now? Just say it, say you hate me. I know you do."

"I don't."

"How could you not? I'm guilty, I'm stupid, I didn't feel a thing, I was not paying any attention to the signs. I'm a selfish bitch. I should've noticed. I… I… Of course, you hate me! Unless you just don't care, you don't care about me or the life that we made and lost." That finally got a reaction from him. He stood up and held my shoulders, and frowning he looked right into my eyes, bearing a hole in my soul as he did so.

"Don't you say that! Of course I care for our baby, I'm sad, terribly sad that this happened, that we lost him. I wanted you and I wanted him. If you'd ask me if I wanted us to get pregnant, I would've said yes. Now stop saying that I hate you or that I should hate you for what happened. If you had told me, I would've understood your reasons, your reasons for shutting me out time and again, for wanting to be alone. You pushed me away, countless times, and now I know why. You were hurting, you should've told me, chére."

His words totally blew me away. I was sighing heavily, a knot strangling my throat.

"So you don't hate me?"

"No, I don't, quite the opposite in fact. I love you, Anna." He spoke tenderly.

"You don't!" I shouted back at him.

"Why is it so hard to believe? I love you, Anna. I've never stopped loving you. And you can't tell me what to feel." And with that, he leaned in a little closer, our foreheads touching and unceremoniously he kissed me and my world fell away. Our kiss was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below my ear, his thumb caressing my cheek as our breaths mingled. I ran my fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest. When ours lips part, I instinctively smile, my heart fluttering as I clasp my hands on either side of his face.

"Take off your clothes." I say, before I could stop myself. And then sits up on his knees. I look at him for a few seconds first. His well-toned muscles lay perfectly under his smooth skin and his hair is a slight mess from the work of my hands. His dark jeans hang perfectly on his hips. His jaw hangs slightly as he controls his breathing. I'm nearly amazed with how perfect I find him to be. I swallow and breathe quickly taking my clothes off and arching my back, sliding it up seductively, never taking my eyes off him. I remove my clothes completely leaving me in my black lace bra and panties. He runs his eyes up and down my body, his jaw is now clenched as if every feeling he's ever had for me explodes throughout his entire body. He lowers himself over me, quicker, and his body is moving up against mine, he's grinding himself on me between my legs and kissing my neck. I moan and run my fingers through his hair, pulling on it, releasing some tension he's building up inside of me. His hands run up my stomach, one grabs my breast and plays with it and the other snakes around my waist, pulling me up into him even more. I can feel him getting harder against my leg and I lost all train of thought. I could tell he was going crazy, so I moved my hand between us and started stroking him gently through his jeans. He wasn't expecting it and he stopped kissing me, his breath caught, and he moaned, jerking his hips against my hand.

"Do you want this, Anna?" He whispered. "We should be grieving our baby, not doing this, shouldn't we?" He suddenly looked very conflicted. "Besides, I'm in a relationship."

"I don't know, sugar. What I do know is that I don't want to stop. Do you?" He was panting, the desire flashing in his eyes. He kissed me passionately, it was answer enough.

I unbuttoned his jeans and slipped my hand down them, grabbing his length with my hand, and stroked him, up and down, up and down. His face was buried in my neck and he nipped at it as I kept going. I swirled my thumb over his tip and a moan escaped his mouth, vibrating against my neck.

"Mmmm mon Dieu, chére, that's so good." He praised me and whispered dirty things into my ear. Telling me what he was going to do to me. It was beginning to drive me insane so after a few minutes of it I stopped, pushed his pants down, and he removed them the rest of the way himself. He was now hovering above me, gloriously naked and aching for my touch.

"My turn." He said and stared into my eyes, just before he began touching me through my panties. I gasped, my mouth gaping open, caught off guard. The texture of my underwear and the pressure of his fingers felt undeniably orgasmic. After a few minutes he couldn't wait much longer. He halfway ripped off my underwear and after stroking me a few times, thrusted one, then two of his fingers into me, and it just about made me come undone.

"Oh, my god." I moaned, grinding my hips against his hands. He watched me as I squirmed and moaned underneath him, grabbing at his forearm between my legs and pushing him in deeper. He then pumped his fingers quickly, in and out. I let out a long cry, my right leg shaking from the orgasm that had finally rippled through my body. A few seconds later he removed his fingers, and lifted me up, took me in his arms to his bed. As he put me down, my head rested on one of his pillows. I wondered if it was by any chance Joelle's. He settled onto his forearms on each side of me, and sighed happily as he finally sunk himself into me slowly, greedily, and all at once. I wrapped my arm around his neck, burying my face against him and began kissing his neck, biting his ear, and teasing him. He moved in and out of me slowly, but I needed more. I grind up against him, getting him to go faster, and he did. He picked up more speed, and pushed himself up onto his hands, mine running down his chest, and around his back. He breathing was quick, and his eventual grunts and moans told me he was close. I wrapped my legs around him and he fell back down to join his lips with mine again, muffling both our moans. I arched my back and pressed my breasts against his chest and his hand ran over them again. My second orgasm came unexpectedly and my leg began shaking as I broke our kiss and cried out his name. He began moving erratically in and out of me, and wrapped one of his arms around me, squeezing me tight as he came inside me, moaning and cursing over and over. He stopped moving and lay on top of me, both of us out of breath. He rested his cheek on my shoulder and we stayed like that for I don't know how long. I ran my fingers through his hair as he lay against me, and I felt my eyelids getting heavy. The day was so intense, so hard on me, I drifted off. I woke to the sound of my communicator buzzing somewhere in his apartment: duty call. I looked over at him and his eyes were closed. Before rushing out of his apartment to meet my colleagues, I find the time to leave him a note.

"Sorry I couldn't stay to say 'Good morning.'

Please don't think that I ran away. Duty call. I'll talk to you later.

Thanks for your understanding, for your kindness, for everything."


	6. The Cafe

For a master thief, he does a pretty lousy job of hiding his tracks. He's trying too hard to behave the same, but I can see he's unsettled, upset about something. And what about the flat? He even had it professionally cleaned! As if I wouldn't notice it and then suspect something happened here. He bought new linen for the bed, new towels, for God's sake! Seriously? Did he kill anyone or something? I know he didn't, he doesn't have it in him. He couldn't even let me commit my fucking suicide in peace. No, the super hero in him had to shield me from my eminent death. I sometimes find myself resenting him for that. What in the world was I thinking when I let him convince me my life was worth living? Why in the world would I choose to take his word is beyond me. What could he possibly know? He has no children of his own and doesn't seem like he's in a hurry to have any, or else he wouldn't be with me. Ever since I accepted the offer that stranger made me, I can't have children. I'm hollow inside for I can't bear children anymore. Anyways, back to what I was saying, he knows no parental love. He doesn't know what one could do for the blood of their blood, flesh of their flesh, for the very own fruit of their body. My baby, my angelic little girl was my heart beating outside my body. Now my heart's gone, life is pointless and I can't really love or feel anymore. I'm fond of Remy, I like him, who doesn't? Him with all that swagger and that charm of his that once you get to know him, you learn that's all a façade. He's got one heart of gold that thief of mine. Unlike the person who approached me when I was the most fragile I've ever been in my life, that one, he can't have been up to any good.

The stranger who saved my life said he could give me immortality and I took it, of course I took it because I was dying after giving birth to my precious daughter. I would do anything to stop her from becoming an orphan. You see, I married my childhood sweetheart at the tender age of 19, and I didn't get pregnant for years. I had lost all my hope of ever becoming a mother. There were no fertility treatments back then, you see. Then my love had to go away. He was called to duty and went to the World War, oh yes, the first, we used to call it World War because obviously, we didn't know there was going to be another one. So, he boarded that ship to Europe and it was during his absence that I found out I was expecting. I sent him a letter, don't even know if he got to read it because he came back home in a box, my love was never to return to the warmth of my arms.

My man died on me and I was about to die on our daughter. It just couldn't be. I have no idea who was the person who gave me an everlasting life, nor do I know why he did it. Out of good heart? I seriously doubt it. Was he an angel or a devil? I guess I'll never know. Whomever it was, he didn't tell me about that particular side effect. I didn't consider the implications that living forever involved either.

Not for a moment did I realize that accepting immortality meant that I would watch my own daughter grow old while I remained forever young. I wanted to give her my life, to trade places. That's not what nature intended. No parent should have to bury their offspring, it's the other way around. Watching her grow sickly and forgetful was the worst, that's why I was done with it. I was done with life. I became immortal because I was short-sighted, all I wanted was to care for my baby girl. I did all I could for her, so when her life started slipping away, I desperately sought for a way to end mine. When I finally found something that would work, there comes Remy, and with his looks and his charm made me give up on the idea. Oh I regret it so much! And now he's up to something he won't tell me about. I can't say I'm being honest with him either. I'm still looking for something that will give me eternal rest, no luck so far. But one can't blame me for following trails and trying.

Maybe Remy and I should open up to each other. We could perhaps help each other achieve our goals. The closest I ever got to get what I want was when he was by my side, helping me out. Without him, I know I stand little chance. But back then, he thought I was looking a cure for my daughter, so his motivation was in the right place. My sweet super hero! He'll do anything if he thinks he's saving the day. When we were breaking into one of Red Skull's research facilities, his heart was in the mission, and now, well, now he'd know the truth and it would break his heart.

-O-

I was a father! Or am I still? If a father loses a child, is he still a father?

I can't explain how I feel and how I felt when I learned about him. A mix of sadness and, strangely enough, relief. Relief because now I know it wasn't all my fault that she pulled away from us like she did, that it wasn't me who fucked up our relationship and that all the times she gave up on us, well, it wasn't my sweet Anna who did it, but a woman who was grieving. Mon Dieu, it seems that she is still grieving after all this time!

She says I should hate her for hiding it from me even when she confessed she did so because she didn't want me to know so I wouldn't suffer. She took it really hard, and she thought I would too. So, naturally, she wanted to shield me from the hurt and the pain. I understand that, apparently, she thinks I'm so jerk that can't get that. Me, of all people! She knows I'm an empath! It amazes how she underestimates me and my love for her.

Now truth be told, I'm not sure her efforts to hide it all from me were justifiable, I don't think I would have been so down, as hurt as she is. Sure, it's sad, but we could always make another baby, right? Even so, I feel strangely attached to the baby who was never born. Ever since the night I found her in the cemetery, I can't stop thinking about him and what he would be like if he was alive.

Anna and I, we made love that night. And it was heavenly! Mon Dieu, how I want her! I'm still in love with her. I know I love her and I don't know what to do with that knowledge. I don't want to go and break Joelle's heart. I feel responsible for her happiness ever since I stopped her killing herself. No one should feel obliged to make another happy, c'est vrai. I'm not sure this is a healthy relationship but I don't know how to get away from it.

Anna didn't contact me in three days, she was in a mission. Unreachable. She left me a note by my pillow after she left me alone in bed. Her smell was still in the air intoxicating me with love for her, but she was gone. Then, I read the note and am reminded why we are not together. She traded me for her job. Once again, she proved her job comes first. I sent her a message only, asking how she was. When she called, she wanted to know how I was. She asked if now that I had the time to digest the news, my feelings had changed, if I was still okay. And I was. Her inviting tone of voice, the sheer happiness in it brings warmth to my heart. She was glad to speak to me, happy that we are in good terms. Not once did we mention our moment of recklessness and our hours of late night sex. Stupidly, before I could stop myself, I'm asking her out, for an innocent coffee. She gladly accepts, but not before asking me about Joelle. She's alright, I say. I promise I just want to talk. Now do I? Will I be able to look into those bright emerald eyes and resist them? Why again did I put myself in this position? Merde, I guess I'll never know. My stupid heart keeps sabotaging me every time, every fucking time.

-O-

Here I am, sitting in a comfy armchair, holding my huge cappuccino cup, waiting for him to arrive. I should be nervous, but I'm not. I'm cool. And I feel proud of myself. But then I catch a glimpse of that devil and all my fake poise goes to waste. My breathing quickens, I'm sure I look like a fool.

After I returned from my mission, I saw I had a message from him, one line only. "How are you, chére?" Funny, I tortured myself ever since that night we spent together with the same question. How was he? How did the news sink in? But I didn't call him straight away, honestly, I didn't know what to say. So I decided to go and see Etienne instead. My last visit wasn't how I imagined it would be. I didn't clean the tombstone, I didn't remove the weeds around his resting ground, I didn't talk to my baby. To my utter surprise when I got there, all these maintenance had been done for me and by his grave was a flower pot and a little card that simply said 'From daddy, with love'. That did it. I get my phone and I call him straight away and I ended up landing myself an invite for coffee. Now here I am, smiling broadly at the sight of him.

"Chére" He greets me.

"Hi, sugar." I reply a little breathlessly. We look at each other. He smiles weakly but tenderly at me, we both don't know what to say.

"So…" He starts.

"Mmmm?"

He looks at his hands and doesn't say a word. I take a sip of my cappuccino so I wouldn't have to fill in the silence. He looks into my eyes, still speechless.

"So, you said you needed to see me. Now you just sit there and stare at me. What is it, hun?"

"I said I wanted to see you, so here I am, seeing you, aren't I?" He teases me.

"Very funny, Remy! Ha Ha ha." I try to reprimand him, but a smile adorned the corner of my mouth and he smirks at me. "Seriously, though. You're still with your lady, right? So why the hell do you want to keep me around, Remy? That ain't like you."

"I know." He finally admits. He opened up his heart to me and conversation flowed naturally. I can't even say when was the last time he was that honest with me. He told me about his feelings towards me. He didn't try to make it pretty, he just laid the bare truth as it was. Without trying to seduce me, he says he can't stop thinking about me and that he thinks he's in love with me.

"I guess I'm back in love with you too, sweetheart. Now what do we do about that? I can't believe it, after all this time, all that we've been through."

He then goes and tells me all about Joelle. She's freaking old! Like really, really old, but of course, the lucky bitch doesn't age. Now talk about competition! How can anyone top that? He met her when she was trying to kill herself because her own daughter was dying. Gosh, the crazy bitches Remy attracts! Myself included! We discussed Joelle for a while. Finally, he mustered his courage to ask me about Havok.

"We just fuck, Remy. When I feel like fucking someone, I fuck him. That is all there is to it, all there's to know."

"Wow! Now that seems very liberal of you, petite, so avant-garde. You're practically a northerner now." He mocked me.

"Yeah, well, laugh as much as you want. At least I don't date someone old enough to be my great-grandfather." I spat back at him.

"Oh, is that so? Now you don't? Helloooo? Magneto, anyone?"

"Awww shut up! I had completely forgotten about him. And come on, he is not as old as your lady." I retorted.

"Chére, he actually looks like your grandfather, whereas Joelle looks all cool for school, with all those tattoos and that pin up girl style of hers." I gave a snort of disgust, but he went on. "Aaaand she's not a maniac, a mass murderer."

"Says the one who married a woman who kills for a living. Check-mate!" He couldn't help himself and started laughing, the sound of that hearty laugh of his was music to my ears. Our banter went on and on. It was just like good old days. The café was about to close and we were kindly asked to leave.

"I had a great time, Swamp Rat. Perhaps we could do that again some time."

"What about tomorrow? And the day after tomorrow? And the day after the day after tomorrow?" He offered with a smile and then hugged me tight. I let my body do what my heart was telling it to, I leaned in, pressing my head against his neck. We stood there like two crazy idiots, locked in an embrace in front of the now closed café, the cold air around us was a stark contrast to the warmth in our hearts.

Again, he smiled at me, that knockout smile of his. Reaching out to me, he pulled me closer against him. I wrapped my arms protectively around him.

'That's more like it, chére,' he said. 'You must keep me warm.'

I laughed and held him tighter. After what seemed like forever, I kissed him on the cheek and each of us went our own separate ways.

"I'll see you soon, chére." He promised.

"You can bet your money on that, sugar." I agreed.

-O-

His late night outings have become more and more frequent, at first I didn't care too much. I honestly thought he was probably out doing his thieving just for kicks.

I know better than that now. He was sleeping soundly when I got hold of his phone. It was locked, I tried to break the code, but couldn't. What the hell! I don't need to read what's in there. Tonight he came home smelling of her. I hate the sweet perfume she wears, that vanilla scent. How could one forget? That classic 'date night' perfume. I guess it's a Dior. Expensive, yes, but too girly. It makes me nauseated.

To make matters worse, when he arrived he was so happy, he could hardly contain himself and disguise his satisfaction of having been with her.

My phone rang all of a sudden making me jump.

"Joelle?"

"Yes, who is it?"

"Someone who might be willing to help you. I've heard of what you're looking for."

"Last time someone helped me, they screwed me up big time. Who are you and what do you want from me?"

"Well, I got information that might help you."

"If you can get me a way to disappear from this world, well, then maybe you can help me."

"The answer is so close to you, it's unbelievable. It lies just next to you. I mean it, literally, next to you."

I took a good look at the sweet fallen angel sleeping peacefully next to me. I sighed heavily and remained quiet as the man on the other end told me about powers Remy has that he's never told me about. Just you wait, Mr. LeBeau. Tomorrow we'll have a talk.


	7. Confessions

I walk into the restaurant and Bobby greets me with a lopsided smile and raised eyebrows. I quickly make my way to the table he'd booked for two and ask him what the matter is.

"You've been seeing him. No need to say a word, honey. It's written all over your face." He says as he stands and gallantly pulls the chair for me. I simply smile knowingly at him.

"And how would you know that just by looking at me walking into the place?" I can help but smirk at him.

"The twinkle in your eye, the happiness in your smile. That glow that only women who are being properly fucked possess." He says with a sneer.

"Ha! We are not having sex." I retort with pride, clapping my hands and pointing a finger at him. People around stare at me, I ignore them.

"Then you don't deny you're seeing him." I chuckle and he smiles at me. Yeah, you got me alright, Mr. Drake, I think to myself. "I hope you don't mind that I've ordered for you already." He continued. "You always order the same thing here. You're a woman of habits, aren't you, my friend Anna? Always stuck with the old, familiar and well-known."

"My cheeky friend Bobby, I know what you're trying to imply there."

"Not implying, Anna. I'm saying. You are never getting over Remy LeBeau, are you? You don't like to try new things, new boys, new toys. And don't you pout, missy. You know I'm right! I mean, I congratulate you for trying, you tried out Alex Summers, but I don't think he made your toes curl, did he, sweetie?"

"Oh Bobby, I like you better when you don't judge me."

"I'm not judging you, just trying to understand. For a moment you got me there, you looked just fine before you met him in the bank vault. I thought you were happy, hell, YOU thought you were happy without him. Now that! If only you'd tell me why you keep coming back for more of him. It can't be the sex only."

"No, it's not and you know it."

"Now do I?"

"Well, you're right, you don't. There's so much more to it than what you know, you'd hate me if you knew how much I've kept from you, kept to myself."

"Well, try me."

"I have no idea how to even begin. I didn't confide in you, I didn't tell him either, if it makes you feel any better." I say with my head hanging low, staring at the cutlery on the table as I speak. I have no idea why I am saying all that. But he deserves to know, doesn't he? He's earned it. After all the times he proved he was more than a regular friend is, he's like the big brother I've never had. A big gay glitter and rainbows brother! That thought makes me want to laugh, but it's not the time, so I rein it in.

"So is that something you should have told him, then? And you haven't?" He gives me the impression he suspects what this is all about, but he doesn't press the matter.

"No, not even him. He recently found out, by himself. I'm such a selfish bitch, couldn't even tell him when it was right on his face. I thought the pain was mine and all mine. I didn't want to share it, my guilt, my shame, they were exclusively mine. And now that he knows, we became closer again. He's a sweetie, I deserved his rage, but he was so gentle, so understanding. I can't help myself, can't help falling in love with him all over again, Bobby. I can't…" I trailed off and looked away. How could I not trust Bobby with my secret? Maybe he could have shouted some sense into me back when it was most needed. He is such a cool guy, I know, cool guy whose codename is Iceman, hilarious… But seriously, he's so cool. He never questioned anything at all throughout lunch. We discussed other less compromising topics, like the guy he's been seeing. He makes him happy and he's having a good time with him, oh those first days of a relationship, butterflies in your stomach. It feels like a fairy tale that you want to never end. He told me all about them, they'd had multiple mornings already where they had to go into work with three hours of sleep or less, because they stayed up all night talking, laughing, or, in the words of Liz Lemon, having Mommy-Daddy-Sheet-Monster time.

After lunch, we walked to Central Park and then I finally opened up to him and told it all, all about losing my baby, going into and out of depression, losing my lover in the process. He cried with me and hugged me tight. Funny, choosing to tell it to Bobby gave me full closure on the issue, much more than the fact that Remy now knows. There are things that only a good friend can do for you, a friend who sees my spark and comes closer, loving me for who I am. Oh it's another rainy day. By now, the rain is slick on the ground, and the sky is a painting in a million shades of grey. I tell him of my worries, and he says everything is okay. And then once more I am the softest version of myself. My heart is so light. We talk of mutants versus humans, of the people we know from the X-Mansion, of God, of lovers, of movies. I just love to hear his voice, it's so soothing. Bobby has a piece of my heart, and I will protect his at whatever cost, always.

Time flew by as it always does when I'm with him. When I got home, back to the peace and quiet of my bedroom, I fall onto my bed with a thump. My head is spinning as I replay my own account of the facts. Without a second of hesitation, I grab my phone and call Remy.

"Hey, sugar. I want to see you."

-O-

I wake up and she's sitting on our bed with her legs crossed. She's looking down at me and scowling. What have I done now? I rub my eyes with the back of my hands in a desperate attempt to shake off the drowsiness. I try and flash her a sexy smirk, but to no avail. Her facial expression remains unchanged. L'enfer! It's that bad, not even my charm disarmed her.

"Remy LeBeau, is there anything you want to tell me?" 'Is there?' I ponder. Last night I saw my Anna, we were keeping up our ridiculous attempt at being just friends when we both know that we have feelings for each other. But this time, when we were going to say goodbye, she kissed me. The rain was pouring down on us when we left the café, we didn't care not even a little that we were all wet, and my hair had become one with my face. She told me I looked like a wet homeless cat, stinky and all. Oh that Anna of mine! Then she kissed the droplets from my lips, and I felt her lips smile against mine. I couldn't help but mirror her action and smile back. She went back to kissing me, deepening the kiss, then she stopped. And again, she smiled, now looking into my eyes as she did so. Again, I smiled back. She swept my hair aside and kissed me on the cheek. Back to the pretence that kissing me on my cheek represented, and then she sank herself into my arms. I just can't stop myself and hung my fingers on her waistband, dragging her sweet smelling body closer. She buried her face in my shoulder curve, her hands flexing around my back. She gave a little groan. "I love you," she murmured into my hair. "This is the happiest I remember being in a long long time." She nuzzled my hair, said goodbye and off she went. I watched her go, looking so pretty with her long hair soaking wet sticking to her back, I could see the contour of her spine under it. I salivated at the perfection of her behind, and she got smaller and smaller in the distance, never looking back to check on me. I was paralyzed, just thinking of that kiss. Man, I've had Anna in all ways you can imagine, made love to her a million times, licked every single inch of her body over and over and there I was, dumbstruck because she kissed me. Like a fucking schoolboy, my heart was racing, head swimming because of a kiss! Just then I hear a horn and find myself standing on a road waiting for a yellow cab in the cool drizzling rain falling on my face. The rain had the most lovable gesture embracing me in the chilled gust of wind reminding me of her.

"So?" Joelle insisted and I snap out of my daydreaming. I was sighing despite myself as I thought Anna.

"Well, I do have something to say." I admitted openly.

"I know what it is, but go ahead, I wanna to hear it from you, handsome." Her voice was bitter, but she didn't look confrontational. Resigned, resigned is the word that best describes how she sounded.

"I found out Anna was going to have my baby, but had a miscarriage. It happened five years ago, but she never told me." She gasped. Obviously she wasn't expecting to hear that. I told her everything. I don't know why I didn't tell her as soon as I learned about it. I needed to share this with someone, and she's been a good friend. She could be that someone.

"So how do you feel about it all?" She finally asked.

"I've been seeing her, we have been acting like friends, mainly because of you, in respect for you. But chére, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm in love with her, all over again. Je suis desolée. I'm sorry I haven't come clean about it before."

"You're not fucking her? I'm impressed! You're a sweet boy, Remy. No need to apologize."

"Well, we did do it, once, here." I wondered why I was fessing up like a sinner at a confessionary. But the words kept coming, and I felt good about laying it all on the table. Her reaction? She laughed really hard at me.

"So that explains all the cleanliness, new sheets, new towels, after I came back from that trip I made. Oh, honey, your attempt to shield me from your naughtiness is endearing." Wow! I never saw that coming. Then it was her turn to come clean, she told me about how she was following tracks on some new device on Red Skull's possession that perhaps could give her what she wants: death.

"But yesterday, I got a call that changed everything." She added cautiously, examining me for my reactions. I could feel she was tense, and could tell she was picking her words carefully. "A stranger called me and talked about you, about your powers. This person told me you could manipulate the potency of the energy release and by doing that you could even exercise a measure of control over time. Can you time travel, Remy?"

"Well, that one who called you could only have been Sinister. Merde! This fellow doesn't leave me the hell alone. He must have some job he wants me to undertake and believes I come crawling to him, asking for my full potential to be restored once more, so I'd help you." I then proceeded to tell her all about Sinister, my powers, how he took some of it away as I requested and had it restored years later. I also told her about how that power had burned out after my battle with the New Sun. "Sorry, chére, but I won't do what that man wants, and he surely wants something wicked if he reached you. He thinks if you ask me to that I'll do anything for me to get that ability back. Besides, what good would it do? How time travelling would help you?"

"You could make things right and just let me die this time, Remy."

"Do you want it that badly?" I asked her indignantly.

"I do." She confessed simply. "Don't you want it too?"

"Quoi? That you die? Porquoi? To get rid of you? I love Rogue but I don't want you to disappear into thin air because of that. What kind of bastard do you take me for?"

"Don't you want to go back in time and make things right with her? If not for her, you could at least save your baby. You could tell her, Remy! Go back in time and tell her that she was pregnant!"

There. She did it, dropped the bomb on me. I wouldn't have thought of that, because I know that power of mine is gone for good. But I'd do almost anything to save my child with Rogue, anything but pay for my son's life with the sacrifice of other innocent people. Rogue wouldn't want it that way and neither would I. But I can't lie to myself, the idea is very, very tempting.

"So, Remy. What do you say about that?"

Exactly. What do I do now?


	8. Like a thief in the night

He declares he needs some time alone to think, changes and says he's going to hit the gym. Something's changed and it's in the air, he never says where he's going. Even so, I thank inwardly for that because I don't know for how long I can keep my cool. I need to be alone as well.

I go into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. By this point, I am almost shaking in anger. Holding onto the bathroom sink, I close my eyes and all I see is that freaking skank he loves, staring at him with languid eyes. In my mind, I walk purposefully her way and place my hands around her neck and strangle her. I smile despite myself at that foolish mental picture.

One hundred twenty-four fucking years and this guy is making me feel this way, like I can't control myself, like I need pills, pills to calm me down and hopefully, make me think straight. I reach for the bottle in the cabinet and swallow some. That freaking hot Cajun has got some nerve! In all my long life I've never been cheated on. For starters, I was the one with whom men cheated on their wives. I, the forever young, forever cool and sexy chick was always the object of many men's fantasies.

You see, men will cheat for all sorts of reasons: horniness, insecurity, boredom, power hunger, compulsivity, self-destructiveness, hormones, and pleasure. But curiously, despite his Casanova reputation, I never thought of him as the cheating kind. And he isn't. He hasn't cheated on me for any of the reasons I have just cited, he cheated because he loves her. And it's so strong he can't rein it in, hold it back. Like a moth drawn to a flame, he had to go near her, he had to reach out for his chére, because he just doesn't know how to stay away. He's in love with her, he told me bluntly. And it fucking hurts me that he is. It does because I honestly thought he had moved on from her. He's told me how he had married his childhood sweetheart. And at some point in his life he was completely over her because, as if it never happened, he fell for Rogue and had this troubled relationship with her. So I thought, he's capable to that, of forgetting an old lover, he's done it before, so surely can do it again. It was my mistake that I assumed he loved Rogue no more. Rogue, her codename couldn't possibly have suited her any more that it has. She's a Rogue and an embezzler. Man, I fucking hate her guts right now.

After my husband there was only one man for whom I felt any empathy or affection and that was him, my red-eyed hunk. Now he goes and turns his back on me. How can Remy LeBeau just go and decide that I am not good enough for him? I'm furious and I can't be, I can't let it show. This is proving harder than I expected.

I need him, I need him to reach my goal. If he doesn't cooperate with this, it won't ever happen and I'll be stuck here forever more with the additional inconvenience of a broken heart. When things are bad, they can always get worse. I should have known that.

I head to our bedroom and look down at our bed with narrowed eyes. The fucker's brought her here and fucked her right in my territory. Did he say fuck? I guess he didn't, I guess he said he's made love to her. Love! I lay down on our bed regardless, breathing slowly I think I smell her on the pillows. Am I imagining things? I don't think so. He came smelling of her yesterday, perhaps it was his hair perfumed with her scent that left the sweet stench of that bitch all over my bed. I take it in and it makes me want to scream to the top of my lungs. I hate them both! The way he was all poetical about her kiss. Really? A kiss? Only a kiss? I can only picture that whore milking him, sucking him dry. He talks about her as if she's some innocent angelic virgin.

Okay, I gotta keep my cool for when he comes back, channel the Scarlet O'Hara in me to talk to him later. I don't know what he will have decided to do, but I can always stir him in the right direction. If he won't go to his enemy for help, I could always coach him to find his lost powers within himself. If he's done it before, I can't see why he can't do it again. The power must still be there, he's gotta believe in it, believe in himself. I'm so proud of myself because I managed to use the recently acquired information in my favour, if not for me, or for her and himself, he'll do it for his son. Oh yes, he will.

-O-

Two days went by without me hearing from him. Maybe I scared the hell out of him when I whispered 'I love you' in his ear that day under the pouring rain. But if felt so good, the rain washed away all my worries and insecurities, and it gave me renewed strength and determination. I love him and he needs to know, to hear it, as often as needed. I know deep inside it makes him happy so why the hell not say it?

I was laying in my bed, almost dozing off, I'd had such a strenuous day, when I notice a figure moving in the darkness of my room. I don't panic because I know the way he moves, so I know it's him.

"Remy?" I breath out.

"Chére."

"Let me guess, you were missing your thieving life and had to break in some highly secured place to feel good about yourself." I say playfully but he doesn't retort something witty as he always does. I can feel he's tense and it makes me suddenly very nervous. I instantly sit up to find his eyes.

"Chére, I needed to see you. I need…" I could hear the tension in his voice. He gave up saying whatever he was about to say and buried his face into my neck and breathed in, causing me to shiver. I pull away so I can see his eyes. The subdued lighting doesn't permit me to see much, but still I can figure him out. He wants to tell me something, but he can't. We've been in this situation many times before so it's easy for me to recognize it's happening again. Sighing, I lean in and brush my lips against his. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. He immediately responds to it, mirroring my passion, snaking his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. It's as if he already expected me to take his mind away off the troubling issue he was dealing with. I use my hands which were resting on his shoulders to gently push him away. He avoids eye contact, he's so busted, that Cajun. He's obviously hiding something, something big!

"Spill it out, Remy! What's eating you?" I demand.

"Chére, I can't tell you. I chose not to, if all goes wrong… I don't want you to get you disappointed in me, again. But I had to see you, to say goodbye."

"Remy, what the fuck! What did you get yourself into this time?"

"There's this thing I gotta do, mon amour."

"Elaborate!"

"Oh, come on, chére. You don't want me to ruin the surprise, eh?" He says with a cocky grin. Remy LeBeau, you can't fool me for even a second, I think as I roll my eyes at him.

"So why you here, Remy?" He closed his eyes and breathed in deep and slowly, as if suddenly being reminded of the reason he was there troubled him.

"I wanted to see you before I go in this mission I have coming up."

"With the X-Men?"

"No, it's a personal thing. And it won't be an easy one, chére." He confesses reluctantly. I can tell he's picking his words carefully.

"Do you want me to go with you? I could take a leave from the work here and help you out. By your tone, it seems like you could use my help. "

"Non, chére. I gotta do this alone. I'll be going through completely uncharted territory, chére. I might not be going back, but the gain I could get if it works, it totally makes up for the risks."

"God damn it, sugar! You saying you could die? I'm yet to see a trap you can't get yourself out of, and I've never seen you this worked up about a mission. You're getting me worried. Besides, nothing is worth that risk, I don't wanna lose you, not again."

"I could get lost, chére. I just wanted you to know that if I don't make it back, well, think of me when you're riding Alex Summers and perhaps, who knows, in the future name your second child Remy."

"Fuck, Remy! This is no laughing matter." I hit him hard on his shoulder and he flinches.

"I know. I know it's not, sorry, chére. I'm…" He brushes my face with his hand delicately and pulls me into a kiss and stupid me, I take the bait. I know it's his way of silencing my questions, but I can't resist, I kiss him back even though my mind was swirling around, Remy could be gone? Lost? For how long and why? I'll look for this devil in Hell if I have to. Then he lays me back down and pulls my leg up around his waist, a soft moan escapes me before I can stop it and there goes my train of thoughts. Exactly the effect he wanted, I know it. In a second, my hands are all over his chest, his abs, I'm biting my lower lip as I roam his body. Then, he gently turns me around, lifting up my hair, he kisses the back of my neck. Oh sweet Lord, he knows just how to work my body. I love the way he kisses that spot, he gets me purring helplessly at the sensation. His lips never left my nape as he started to undress me, he pulls down my shorts, then my panties and I help him out by sliding it down my legs and ankles.

"Mon Dieu, I love that ass of yours." He whispers in my right ear, as he starts squeezing it a little too gentle at first, then a little too rough, I love the way he digs his long fingers on each side of my hips.

"You love it, don't you Cajun? Now show me some flesh." I say playfully as I remove my own top. He stares at my naked body like he's never seen it before. He's got stars in his eyes and it thrills me. Then, he flashes me a wicked grin that makes me insides twist and turn in anticipation.

He undresses, oh my, so sexily, his eyes never leaving mine as he does so, he does it so skilfully as if he were some high priced gigolo. Gosh, he's so sexy that I start touching myself at the sight of him and his moves and his now naked body.

"No need for that now, chére." He says as he grabs my hand and then licks each of my fingers seductively. He lays on top of me, by now, my breath came in short gasps. His left hand was now slowly moving down my leg, over my thigh only to gently guide it up. Our breathing was getting faster and I let out a gasp as his hand found its way between my legs. He's touching me in ways he knows I can't resist. I'm begging him to enter me but it falls on deaf ears. He kneels between my legs and starts, well, you know what he does.

"Sugar, please." That's all I can manage to say, he knows what I mean: "Please, just fuck me already!" He stops, glances up at me with those devilish eyes.

"You know how I love to taste you, chére. Don't deny me that." I know he does, he loves my 'flavor' as he said a million times already. Maybe he's even submitted it to the Lay's Do Us a Flavor contest, who knows. After the mind-blowing orgasm he gave me, his lips finally leave my sex. He pulls me to him and holds me tightly in his arms on top of his body. Hell yeah! Now it's my turn to command, I love riding him. The cutest cowgirl he's ever laid eyes on, he says, intending as compliment, sounding like his usual banter. Then, I ride him backwards, and I get his respect, no more jokes, just groans and moans and lots of swear words in French. He can't stop his hands kneading my ass and I know he's enjoying the view. I do those certain motions that I know will make him cum before he intends to. His pace quickened, his breathing became restless. His short, ragged breathing and rhythmic thrusting, almost like he's in a trance, did it for me too and after our release, we lay side by side, panting. He rolls onto his side and kisses my hair lovingly.

"So, will you tell me now what this is all about? This mission of yours?"

"Woo, shady, huh chére? You were only using me to get me to open up. I'm hurt, feeling used." He says in mockery and we both laugh out loud at that. "Can I sleep avec toi ici tonight, chére?"

Of course I let him, and as he drifts into sleep, he mumbles about it being his turn to leave me a note as good morning kiss. I sigh deeply at the comforting familiarity of having his body next to mine in bed for the night. I kiss his cheek and rest my head on his shoulder. My whole being was invaded by a sense of peace, of belonging.

I wake up in the morning and he's gone.

Dear Anna,

Wish me luck.

I love you.

Remy.

-O-

I'm sobbing on our bed when I heard the door squeaking open, and immediately after, the sound of his keys hitting the table. I run to the bathroom to wash my face. When I emerge out of it, he's in the bedroom, taking his shirt off. I take a good look at his back, that triangular shape of his muscled back that gets me sighing.

"So, have you done it?"

"What?"

"Seen her? Said your good-byes?"

"Oui." He replies in a thin voice as if he's ashamed of it.

"You know you're doing your best for her, if it works, if she's spared from the mental scars of that miscarriage…" He turns around to meet my eyes for the first time since he arrived home. He doesn't look too pleased at hearing me talking about her, a frown marring his handsome face.

"I'm gonna keep my promise, Joelle. I'll give you what you want from me. If I don't get lost somewhere in the time stream, eh?" He forces a chuckle, but it's pointless.

Remy has refused to go see Mr Sinister about getting his full powers back. However, he's agreed to try to use his powers, stretching them to their ultimate potential so he can do it.

He's much like his beloved mutant, he hasn't really embraced his powers, tried to tamper with them, he could be a semi God but shied away from it. Now he's gotta try and see what he's really capable of. Succumbing to my insistence, he's done some tests and trials and realized he can still time travel. It doesn't come cheap though, it takes a lot of his energy, could take his vital life energy, drain it if he doesn't do it right. But for him, his son, he's willing to take the risks. I'd do the same if I had the power. If there was anyway I could have saved my daughter, I would. So I understand his motivation, and his willing to self-sacrifice if it comes to it. He's got his plans. Although exactly how he's planning to solve my problem and his by going back in time, he doesn't share it with me.

I hope it does work, my pretty boy man and his glorious bravado, he's got his whole life ahead of him and I wish him to have a good one.


	9. Back to the Past

I savour the breeze, my eyelids fluttering closed as I breathed in the briny aroma. Damn, this time travel has drained me. How long have I been sleeping? At least my tan will match that of my younger self.

I listen to the sounds of the sea, lost in the rhythmic percussion of waves on sand. My eyes find the horizon and I feel the warmth in my face aglow with the last orange rays before twilight beckons the stars. Scrunching my toes, I feel the softness of the sand, still damp from the retreating tide. I wiggle slightly as a shiver cascades down my spine and the last memories of me kissing Joelle's lips lightly, almost respectfully, as I tell her this is it, it's time to go and fix what I can for all of us. The last thing I remember is me propelling myself by a wave-like aura and transplanting my own body's matter through time and space. I don't even know if I'm in the right time frame as I intended. Sighing, I take in the scenery around me. The sand blurs out in a blissful trance, the shore fading into liquid gold, vivid in the brilliant light. My lips curve upward. Yes, I know where I am, it worked.  
Once again, I bestow my gaze to the far off horizon, the flaring hues of the sun melting into the sky and ocean like a divine painting. The forever stretching sea is masked with an apricot color, that beautiful umber flowing into turquoise. Through narrowed eyes, I take a glance around, trying to find some distinguishing construction that will tell me if I should walk north or south. I stand up and walk until I see Joe's food joint in the distance and I know just where to go. In a few minutes, I'm standing right there, in front of Anna's beach house. That place and all it represents make me smile. All the sweet memories that house has staged, the best days of my life. I take in the scent and am instantly invaded by a swirl of emotions. Those days, the love I felt for her, finally feeling someone loved me for me, with all my flaws, knowing all my misdeeds and still choosing to be with me. I close my eyes for a second, breathing out slowly. Right, time to stop daydreaming and act.

I break into the house with the slightest of ease. The little security the house had was put in place by no one other than myself and I still remember the few little flaws in it.

From the sun baked dryness of outside, the air conditioning of Anna's house was a blessing to the skin. I removed my shades, and smiled as I took in the Mediterranean vibe she had conjured, enjoying the many pot plants that reached upward with broad and spreading leaves. I had almost forgotten about those plants. I'm not surprised to hear soft moans from a distance. It's early evening and I conclude we're both in the house, doing what we did most of the time we spent together in her beach house. No wonder she got pregnant, we're two morons, we should've known.

As I walk past the kitchen, I see her birth control pills laying carelessly on the counter top, next to the coffee maker.

'Fuck! Forgot to take this. What day is it again?', she would often ask frowning and looking at the back of the pack as if she was trying to solve a most difficult math problem. I want to chuckle at that memory but deliberately hold it back. I'm in thief mode and I'd better not make a sound. The moaning continues in the bedroom and it fills my head, I can't help my primal instincts, I'm aroused because of her ohhs and ahhs. I try to shake off the dirty images away from my mind but it proves an easier said than done task. I know only too well how glorious she must be looking right now, luscious lips puckered up as I hammer it into her, just the way she wants, and commands me to.

"Ohmygod, mygod, my god, Remy! Yes, yes! That's it, sugar! Fuck me hard! Harder!"

If there was any doubt in my mind, now I'm sure it's us in there. I thought I'd find her alone. Storm was always calling me during that time to help her out with shit, I guess I miscalculated then.

"Remy, oooh, Remy. Don't stop it, sugar. Give it to me, honey!"

And by the sounds of it, it won't be long until I'm in bed snoozing while she heads to the bathroom for a shower and then comes back to bed and cuddles up to me. I need to work my way faster. I rack my brain to figure out a way I can be in there, in the bathroom, for when she comes in. But what will her reaction be when she sees me? She'll scream, beat the crap out of me before asking any questions. She's just fucked me and she knows the Remy in her bed is in no way an impostor, so guess that leaves me in a disadvantage. I can't even kiss her so she absorbs me and knows I'm real Remy, future Remy, but still her Remy. She's powerless. And somehow I know there won't be any chance for my words to convince her, she'll try to rip me off before that, she never needed her powers to be able to do just that.

"I love you, Anna. Je t'aime, chére." I hear myself saying in between grunts.

Oh, okay. Now I am, I mean, past Remy is, most probably coming and that leaves me no option, but abort mission. This just won't work out the way I planned, I want to talk to her alone. I should go to the garage, hide in there, have some sleep and wait until she shows up for work tomorrow. Then, we'll talk. I was down in the basement, at the laundry area, stealing some of my own clothes so I could better pass for a man who lives in California when I hear a footfall only two metres behind me. There is only one person who could get so close to me without detection and I know she wants me dead.

Anna Marie stood just in front of me, folding both arms over her chest. She would be almost naked if it weren't for the little pair of undies she had on, nothing but them. I smirk at her when our eyes meet.

"Looking good, chére." I whisper.

"Who the hell are you?" She asks furiously.

"I'm Remy, can't you see? Not the one who just made love to you, but still your Remy." As predicted, she's having none of it, her balled fist collided with my cheekbone, flaying my neck backward like a willow caught in the wind. As I stumbled, I nearly fell over the washing machine, rubbing my cheek with my palm.  
"Gonna make me love you even more, chére. I always loved a femme who can hold her ground, you know that." I said, regaining my balance. She hit me again, even harder this time, right across the face and I taste my own blood. I manage a hasty, "Easy, chére," before she hits me again. Her body crashes wholly into mine and we go down hard, rolling and slapping, all the while I try to immobilize her, but she has different ideas. We roll a few times across the floor, our panting breaths filling the air. Man, do I sleep heavily after sex! I always thought it was slight snoozing… How in the world my younger self doesn't wake up and join Anna in kicking my ass is anybody's guess.

Our physical altercation went on for God knows how long, she wouldn't even let me catch a breath to speak, say something, tell her why I was there. It was punch after punch, jab after jab and me ducking and swerving and avoiding her fists and knees meeting any part of my body. Those first punches were enough for the night, thank you very much. At one given time, it seemed like I had the situation almost under control.

However, reaching, with her right arm, over my right shoulder and hooking the bend of the arm around my neck, she gets me in a lock. I'm dead meat to her. Clasping both hands together, she expertly exerts pressure with her biceps and forearms on both sides of my neck. I cannot find her eyes at that moment, I can't even use them to plead a voiceless plea. She once told me she can't resist the fire in my eyes for one second. That's always a good card to play, but it's not on the table.  
Maintaining pressure with the biceps and forearms on both sides of my neck and she draws me closer by drawing her right arm in.

"Hear me out, sugar." She speaks with some difficulty through her laboured breathing. "I'll let you catch a breath for a second, and you have two seconds, I shit you not, two seconds to tell me who the fuck you are, and what you're doing here, or I'll beat the crap out of you."

"Will you, chére? Just for the record, we both know you got the best of me because your bouncing boobs were distracting me." I guess my usual banter rang a bell and she released the hold a little bit more than she had.

"I'll ask you one last time. Who are you?" Ok, I'd better no make jokes this time, she tightens up her leglock and with one free hand she holds my balls and, squeezes it. Oh, Anna, that was a dirty sleazy move.

"Chére! Bon Dieu! I'm Remy, not the Remy you have sleeping on your bed, future Remy. I time travelled because I need to speak to you. It's very important or I wouldn't go to these lengths. Now, if you could not hurt our playground area, if you know what I mean, that would be good… for both of us." I let out a nervous chuckle.

"Ugh, you actually sound like Remy." She breathed out, a little annoyed.

"Besides, I have my powers on, unlike you guys, and I can show it to you." I guess that argument actually made sense and she let go off me. We were both sitting on the floor, across from each other, she stares at me with wild eyes, waiting for me to show her. I reach inside my pocket slowly, reach for a card, not just any random card, I get the queen of hearts. I deliberately get that card and as soon as she laid her eyes on it, she smiled. Damn right, that was a wise move. It is buying her, we both know the meaning that card has for us. I charge it and watch her green eyes widening, the glow pink of the card reflected into those sparkling eyes of hers.

"There's also this." I get the picture that used to be on a frame in my house and show it to her. She comments on how she recognizes the place, how she told me just two days ago how she wanted to go there.

"I don't recognize the dress I'm wearing, though."

"You'll buy it for this date, a special one, chére. I meant to propose to you that night, seriously, I did, but you said something earlier that day that made me think you'd never want to go down that path. So, if you're interested, I mean, in being my Mrs. LeBeau, don't tell the old lady who lives next door who innocently asked you if you were Mrs. Gambit that you couldn't see the point in spending all that money and time if you don't think getting married will change your relationship. You went blah blah blah about how it doesn't make you less romantic or less in love, it just means you don't care about having paperwork to show it. Poor lady looked at me with pity in her eyes. I'm not joking, she did. So I thought maybe it was best if I'd drop the proposal or the next one to get an earful would be me."

I guess I must have sounded like myself and all the evidence I showed her was enough because without a word, she pulled me toward her and started kissing me. My eyes widened in shock as she held my face in her hands and kissed me fiercely. I felt her arms tighten round me, in a nice way this time. I pushed my hand down on to her breast, playing with her nipples the same way I always did, doing a dance with my fingers I know she loves and would recognize instantly and she did, responding to it by kissing me even harder.

"Anna?" I hear the younger version of myself calling out from inside the house causing us both to jump.

"That's funny, it feels like I'm cheating on… you." She says and asks me to stay right where I was, she'd distract me, him, oh you know, ask him to go get her favorite burger at Joe's. That would buy us at least half an hour, more than enough, I assured her.

Things didn't exactly play out exactly as I envisioned because as Anna was practically naked, Remy wouldn't just let her go before having another go at her body. I had to sit patiently and wait until they finished a second round of it, in the kitchen this time. It was another good half hour until she emerged back in the basement.

"Remy?" She asked, hugging herself. She was now wearing shorts and a top I still remembered. "This feels funny, I can't shake the feeling that I'm deceiving you, younger you. I am, aren't I?"

"It's for a good cause, I promise you." She smiled adoringly at my words. "Ok, chére. Listen up, I came back for you, for your happiness, our happiness. So, hear me out carefully, our future depends on it."

"We are happy right now." She said sheepishly.

"I know, chére. But what we have here, it won't last forever, mon coeur." I let out a frustrated sigh, she picks up on it and frowns. I went through what I was going to say at that moment over and over in my head, and still hadn't figured out what to say. "Ok, here's the deal, I come here as angel Gabriel of sorts, so…" Her face washes pale and I know she got my metaphor.

"You can't be serious, Remy."

"Anna, beautiful Anna, thy will have my baby." I say playfully.

"Fuck, Remy! Is this your idea of a joke?"

"Non, chére. It's not. At first I thought of coming dressed like a male version of a Victoria Secrets model, now that would be joke. I'd do a little musical for your benefit and would be singing something like this:

'If you're peeing a lot and need more rest

Visit Dr McCoy for a pregnancy test'

And I do my opera singer act and she laughs out loud until there are actual tears in her eyes.

"Oh come on, Remy! Well, now that's plain silliness. You can't be serious. And you'd be coming back to tell me this? Oh you asshole! I don't believe it I gave you a minute of my attention." She says and slaps my arm jokingly. "Now spit it out. What's gonna be the matter? Who's gonna try to kill us this time? Did Xavier send you?" She asks hurriedly.

"I'm serious, chére. I came because of your pregnancy." I say firmly and then I proceed to explain to her what happened to our baby in the future, how she felt guilty, and later depressed, how we drifted apart and she's shocked, her body shaking and her eyes pooled with tears. She protests against the improbability of that ever happening, her not noticing it, of us not being together. So, I tell her how powers came back and how she took it really hard that we couldn't touch anymore. She was so sad at the news, got reclusive and cold towards me, what was happening with her own body was the least of her worries.

"A baby? We're gonna have a baby? The idea seems so farfetched."

"Why chére? We were at each other's pants all of the time. It would be odd if it didn't happen, what with you always forgetting those damn pills." She sighed while her shining eyes examined my whole body, stopping when they found my devil eyes.

"True, sugar. You're most probably right. Don't worry, I won't miss it this time around, okay? It's just… it's hard to believe all this." She paused, reached out and held my face in her hands, kissed my lips gently. "You do have some wrinkles my Remy doesn't have now, you know?" She commented lightly.

"Now you're bringing this Cajun down, chére. I always thought I was aging beautifully." I offered with a smirk, she flashed me a little smile.

"So, Remy, would you tell me if… I mean, will I ever gain control of my powers? God help me if I don't. I'm enjoying this, us here, so much. Will I be able to live like this again, touch people?" She asked timidly.

"You will, chére. You will, don't you worry. And it won't be too much longer, okay?" I press a tender kiss on her forehead. She's smart, she knows this means goodbye.

"So, is this it? Was that all you had to do?"

"Well, in fact, I have something else I need to get done, but it's not about us. I'm helping a friend."

"I bet all my gold this good friend of yours is a woman, a beautiful one, ." I chuckle at that. My femme knows me so well. "So you don't deny it?" She insists.

"Love you when you let it show how much you love me."

"Uh? I didn't say that! Remy LeBeau!"

"Don't be jealous, chére. I wouldn't be here if you weren't my all-time number one, now would I?" She pouted and I kissed those defiant lips. "I'll see you in five years, okay, chére?"

And with that, I left her behind, stunned, watching me as I went. She watched me go with a puzzled expression on her face.

I just can't wait to get back to my own timeline and see if this little encounter of ours has changed our future. Oh, Etienne, my son, I hope to see your smiling face when I make it back.

Author's Notes:

Hello again, dear readers.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and, as always, if you could spare a minute of your time and review, it would make this author very happy.


	10. Chapter 10

I spent solid ten minutes staring at those words:

"Dear Anna,

Wish me luck.

Je t'aime.

Remy."

I breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.

"No!" I cry out to myself, in the sheer emptiness of my bedroom. No, that's not how it ends, I decided. So, of course, me being me, with all my impulsiveness, I told Mr. Captain America that I had most pressing personal issues to deal with, took my jacket and left.

Half an hour later, I was knocking on his door. Where else was I supposed to go? I had to see him, tell him I was going with him wherever his suicide mission led him. Last night, his skin, his touch, his sex got me intoxicated and lacking better judgement. I touch my own lips and close my eyes. The memories of our kisses still so fresh. Sighing, I push those thoughts away. Now that he's not next to me, tempting me into another round of sex, my head is clear. I'm focused. There's no way in hell I'm letting him die, or who knows what else happen to him, without at least trying to help him out.

The door is swept open and I find myself staring at his current lover. Her piercing icy blue eyes looking back at me. She's got no sympathy or love for me, I can tell.

"He's gone." she puts it bluntly.

"Gone? Gone where?" I ask her indignantly. And before I could stop my stupid self, I'm forcing my way into his apartment, walking briskly, I check each room, looking for him. Joelle doesn't follow behind me or tries to stop me. She closes the door and makes herself comfortable on the sofa, ignoring my behaviour completely.

As I finish roaming the place in search for the man who just hours ago was fucking me senseless, the man I love and could never really let go, I make me way to the living room to find her. She's sitting there, looking as cool as a cucumber. Remy has managed to find a female version of himself. The house is on fire and he always acts like that, not affected in the least. That's why I'm so damn worked up! He was not acting cool yesterday and it's just not like him. What could be so bad that he would actually give a damn, feel nervous and anxious about? God, we're wasting time here. I'm sure he needs my help.

"I told you he was gone, Rogue." I want to lunge at her at this point. I hold it back and rein it in for a second, maybe two. Who the hell I'm kidding? She knows I hate her and want to tear her apart for putting Remy through hell and high water to get her a way to end her life. Silly him, should've let her go through with it when he had the chance.

There's some altercation and soon enough, we are both panting on the floor, my hand is around her throat. In the split of a second I picture Remy towering over us, telling us to quit the silliness. 'There's plenty of Remy for both of you, ma femmes.' Back to reality, I'm gonna fucking kill this bitch.

"Where's Remy? What kind of trouble have you led him into now?"

"It wasn't me this time, Rogue. It was you! Now let go of me." She demands in a cool and collected voice, especially if you consider how I could have strangled her a million times over if I wanted to. I do as she asks, for the first time realizing that maybe, just maybe, I was being too aggressive.

Standing up, I look down at her who preferred to go back to her spot at the sofa. This situation is just ridiculous.

"What did you just say, Joelle? That I did it? Are you out of your mind?"

"He did it for you, chére." She says sarcastically.

"First of, did what for me? Where is Remy? I want to see him, go join him, I can help him in whatever it is that he's doing, probably risking his life to get you a new death potion." She calmly opened her mouth to speak but I didn't let her get a word in edgeways. "You don't understand! You don't know him like I do, he's never been this worked up about any mission. He's gotta be in deep trouble and I have to reach out for him. That's what we do! That's what we've always done for each other. We take care of each other."

Joelle just stared at me in all my desperation with a calm and unperturbed poise. I narrowed my eyes at her as if saying 'Won't you say anything, you bitch?' She sighed, annoyed by my presence and my vivid display of lack of emotional control.

"Are you done with your tantrum?" She asked with an arched brow. I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded. I couldn't afford to waste any more time than I already had, so found it better to play along.

"He time-travelled." She said matter-of-factly.

After my explosion of rage, she explained that he used his own powers which had been somehow subconsciously dormant because he believed he had lost them after that battle with New Son. She said she coached him into developing his time-travelling abilities. I was cursing and calling her names inside my head when she delivered the blow.

"And he did it for you. You and your unborn child. So stop whining, now will you?"

She didn't elaborate it any further, she didn't need to, either. It could see him doing it for our baby, he loves a do-good rescue mission with a passion, I know it. He tries to play the bad guy type, but I know him better than that, I know what's underneath the surface. I would have never thought of that option, I would never try to cheat destiny and undo what's been. But I can't deny, the idea was brilliant. Our baby, Etienne, alive? I smile despite myself. It will change everything. Everything! If it's for better or for worse, I don't know, but saving his life is worth anything that may happen. But I'd never ask Remy to endanger his own life. Never! And that's obviously why he didn't tell me about this plan of his in first place. Then, an idea crossed my mind, there must be something in it for Joelle, or she wouldn't just sit patiently and wait. I voiced my suspicions, and she went ballistic.

"You, Rogue, you! How dare you accuse me! You don't even know me, while I have heard a lot about you to form my own opinions about you. You did it, didn't you? You may fool him, but you don't fool me. I saw you that night at the gala, the way you looked at us, the envious eyes glinting. You wanted to destroy our relationship and you found your way, by exposing your little baby secret. You knew that had to shake him, if you flaunting your body in that skimpy dress of yours didn't. That, my dear, failed miserably. We made love passionately that night."

"Hey! That was a Gucci dress! And, it wouldn't surprise me that he had sex with you thinking of me, sugar."

That did it, we went on full bitching mode. In the heat of our arguing, she said I deliberately led him to the cemetery the night he found out about Etienne, stating that it was impossible for such a skilled and trained fighter like me not have noticed that I was being followed. She forgets that Remy is a master thief. I don't know anyone who can do a quiet entrance or an imperceptible follow like him. It wasn't just anyone, it was him. He beats me at that, I'm a sitting duck when he pulls those stunts, but in turn, I can beat him at a fist to fist combat. I smirked at that thought.

"Don't you worry, Rogue. If it all works, we won't ever have this conversation again. By now, I'll be dead and you'll probably have a toddler to care for and I bet all my money that you and Remy won't be together anyway. You always played him. How he can't see it will always remain a mystery to me. Time and again you showed you didn't really want to be with him like he wants you to. You can't compromise, you're afraid to deal with your own feelings and when you're scared, you run away, leaving him behind. He may change the timeline, but he can't change you."

I wanted to scream back at her, call her names, but silenced and immersed myself in memories of him, sighing I realized that perhaps Joelle's right.

She was in Philadelphia. The trip there got me more tired than it would normally. The house was long and narrow, perhaps only twelve feet wide at the front, but it stretched some thirty feet back like a giant shoe box. It was two stories high and had a one story extension at the rear for the kitchen. The wooden framed sash windows were propped open and the brick work, perhaps once a jaunty yellow, looked dirty now. A small rose garden had been planted in front, and although it had obviously once been carefully planned and loved, it was now riddled with weeds.

I remembered Joelle saying that age was a cruel mistress, or was that time, I couldn't quite recall. And now, this present I'm visiting, that's when the cruelty was beginning to make itself apparent to her daughter. All that was on the horizon for her now was the ravages of age steeling into her skin and bones bit by bit, until eventually even her mind wouldn't escape it. She'd watched her mother's decline many decades before, she'd been spry and mentally alert right up to her eighty-one, then the downhill slide was as rapid as a toboggan on a slippery winter hill. So she knew what was in store for her daughter, the very baby she once cuddled in her arms. Thinking about it as I look on, I realize for the first time why she so desperately wants to end her life. It must be dreadful watching everyone you love most turn frail, decrepit and then, gone. Their once alert and agile mind beginning to blur at the edges. Memories once sharp and crystal clear disappearing into a fog, being erased, as if they had never happened at all. Time is a thief. It takes one to know one. And it was stealing everything her daughter ever was or hopped she would be and there was nothing Joelle could do about it. It makes sense that she preferred to die once her daughter was no more. Living with those memories and going on and on and on must be the worst torture.

I ring the bell and Joelle opens it looking like someone else. She looked tired as hell, weary with the burden of long-closed eyes. She could have easily pulled off being a walking zombie, dead on the inside but subconsciously awake.

"What do you want, Mister?"

"Mrs. Campbell, I'm Candice's son, your friend from Newark. Do you remember her?" I handed her a Photoshop treated picture of said friend and me. The service was excellent, no one could tell the photo was a fraud.

"Candice? My goodness! Candice! You're Candice's son? How is she?"

"She passed away recently." There was an awkward moment of silence.

"I remember when she told me you were a mutant. Poor thing, didn't know what to do or think. She never mentioned it was that apparent, though." Oh great, she was referring to my eyes. Back when we met, she acted cool about them. Our eyes met briefly and it was the strangest thing. There was no warmth and recognition coming from them. I'm a complete stranger.

We made some small talk about my fictitious mother, all the while I was laying down facts about her old friend every once in a while as Joelle had instructed me. I had to gain this Joelle's trust.

"So, my mother told me about your powers. That's why I came to you for advice."

"Powers? You mean my immortality? Those are not powers, dear, that is a curse! I'm no mutant like you."

There, the trap was laid. It made sense that me being a mutant would try to reach out for another one, a family friend, who might understand my afflictions. She was warm and friendly, a far cry from the ice cool lady I met at that event held by Borya Cich.

She introduced me to her daughter. She was a bit weary of my presence, but was cordial and polite all the while. Mon Dieu, the weirdness of this situation! My lover's daughter looked as if she were her great-grandmother, her face as withered as a flower left to waste, clothed in wisps of white hair. She seems nothing more than commonplace, but you could see the sparkle in Joelle's eyes whenever their eyes met. But when she looked at me in return, just nothing. I'm nothing to her in here.

She invited me for lunch and I accepted the kind offer. It was a pain to have to small talk with them. Once lunch was finally over, I asked Joelle if I could speak to her in private and that's when I delivered the letter.

"This is why I came to you, chére. I bring you this letter, to you."

She took the envelope from my hand without allowing as much as the slightest brush of fingers. A heavy silence settled over us as her eyes quickly started scanning the paper in her hands. The disturbing silence was thicker than the already uneasy tension in the atmosphere. My unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously around as I tried desperately to avoid catching the weary glances she sent my way from time to time.

I hadn't read the letter but she told me what was in there. She said she had put down all the key facts of her life so the message she was going to convey in the letter would be credible to her past self. Then, she described her present, tell her the inevitable happened and about her pursuit for closure, for an end. The letter was pages long and I was getting extremely uncomfortable at having to wait, so I pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. I never asked her if she would mind. She looked over the sheet of paper she was reading for a second, narrowed her eyes and frowned, I simply shrugged. She rolled her eyes at me. That's so like her, so I smirked.

And her reading went on and on. 'Thanks Joelle for writing a new version of the Bible.' I say mentally. Her deep blue eyes focused on me many times, followed by a frown or a smirk or what I know to be one of her genuine smiles.

"Well," she said, putting down the papers at last. "So, we are lovers, then. I can see that happening." She added with a smirk. "You're a bad boy type. And I've always had a thing for bad boys, ever since my dear husband passed away. I guess it's my self-destruction instinct that kicked in after I became immortal."

"So, now we are speaking the same language, comes the part where I give you all the instructions for when the time comes, non? Pour toi, you know, get that chemical and end your misery."

"So you stopped me killing myself last time, huh? Guess it didn't work out that well for you."

"For me? This is not about me, chére. You asked me to do this as a favour. It's what you wanted! I butted in and ruined it."

"I know, Mr. LeBeau. No need to fret. Now, let's get to work, shall we?"

Waking up is no pleasure. There is a fleetingmoment when I am whole again but it evaporates faster than summer rain off the burnt earth. Then my lids that were drooping and leaden with sleep snap open as violently as if I'd been woken by the raid sirens wailing. By the time my eyes are open, my brain has become overwhelmed all over again as if it were all new, fresh, raw.

I take in my surroundings, I'm in the X-Mansion. I have no idea what time of the day it is. The bedroom I'm in looks generic, no personal touches, I don't know if it's mine. I'm on a single bed, though. A single bed! How come?

Within seconds of realizing I was conscious I am on my feet, eyes wide, dreams not just forgotten but erased. I am drinking in the feedback of all my senses. Aside from my own noisy breath there is nothing to be heard. I walk out the bedroom. The hall is strangely deserted.

Examining myself I notice I'm wearing a gold ring on my left ring finger. I brush my thumb over it and smile. I take it off and inspect it carefully, inside the band there are my name and Anna's engraved. It worked!

Determined to find someone who'll shed some light as to what exactly happened to us after I played God and messed up with time I walk until I find someone, that someone happens to be Bobby, Anna's best friend. It seems I got lucky.

"Bobby! Mon ami! Where's my wife?" I ask him excitedly.

"You must mean your ex-wife," he spats back at me.

"What!? Qu'est-ce que tu dis, homme?"

"What are you doing here, anyway, Remy? And, for the love of God, stop wearing the ring. It's ridiculous." I feel like each of his words were a punch in my face. My brain is desperately calculating, trying to find an explanation for the little information I got. I married her but we are separated? Divorced, maybe? What about my son? Is he at least alive? Did I earn that with my interference?

"Where's Etienne? I need to see him." I ask him hurriedly.

"Who's Etienne? Have you been doing drugs, Cajun? Well, that won't help you win her back, I can tell." He says full of disgust and sarcasm in his voice.

The frustration builds inside of me and I think I might explode. I want to vent, let it out, but I don't want to say the words. I am not even sure of what's gone wrong. So, as I always do, I kept it all in. I gotta find Anna. I want to hear from her what happened.

-O-


	11. Chapter 11

After roaming the mansion like crazy, desperately looking for her, I finally find her in the most obvious place at this time of the morning, the kitchen.

I saw her from a distance and she didn't notice my presence. She had her back to me so I held back and watched her for some brief moments. Once again my emotions turn jagged and my insides tight.

She was talking to Emma and Kitty and they were seemingly discussing something heavy, something important. There was no chitty chatty nonchalance, they looked serious, concerned. Anna was holding a mug. I can bet she's having her burning hot coffee with milk and sugar, she loves to have it first thing in the morning.

Her hair is longer than it was when I last saw her, the curly strands brushing her waistline. My mind sabotages me, as it always does. I remember how when I last had her in bed, what to me had been two days ago, she was on her fours and in that position her hair would also cover all of her back up to the waist, just like now.

Oblivious to me watching her and to the dirty images my mind was producing, she kept on talking to her friends. What in the world could have gone wrong? Why isn't that woman mine any longer? I take another look at the ring I'm wearing and sigh, despite myself.

Emma notices me and throws a brief uninterested glance at me. Kitty, however, stares at me with her mouth agape. Anna follows her eyes and turns around on her seat to see what she's looking at. I take in her amazingly beautiful looks, her emerald eyes, luscious lips and untamed curls. In the split of a second, my eyes search for her hands, and I instantaneously realize she's not wearing my ring. I wait, wide eyed, heart in my mouth, hoping for kindness. I need a hug, even if it is just words. I need soothing like a child. Instead I get her accusing eyes staring back at me. Oh, and the look on her face… Mon Dieu, what have I possibly done to this woman? It was not a look of hate. I see frustration, hurt. I see it, and I feel it too. Focusing my empathy powers on her alone, I feel it all, the hurt, the pain, the sense of betrayal that invaded her heart. I've terribly hurt the woman I love. How come? After all I did for her, and all I would do if I had to, why can't I see love shining through her eyes like I did in California?

I want to go back and be with her in California, forever and a day. Replay those days until the end of time. But I'd always be a voyer, I'd never be that man again. That love, pure and whole, would never directed at me, never be mine again. I gotta make things right in my own timeline. A moment passes by, our eyes locked, no one dared to say a word. Tension was thick in the air. She stands up and I take one good look at the shape of her and, to my utmost surprise, I notice the tiny bump in her stomach, the rest of her body is great shape. There's no mistaking, but I ask her regardless, couldn't stop the words.

"You're pregnant, chére?"

She frowns and looks around at her friends. Kitty shrugs. Silence remains intact. She looks back at me, furrowed brows and arms crossed over her chest.

"Is it mine?" I ask, genuinely puzzled. Was Bobby playing a prank on me? We're not together, but she's pregnant, she's not wearing my ring. Can it be that she's with someone else? What about the child I tried to save by going back in time. I was going to ask about Etienne, when her hand slapped my face violently. Her eyes are pooled with tears.

"How dare you, Remy? What are you trying to imply here? I'm not you. I don't sleep around." I take it that the baby is mine, then. And my heart is overflowed with love, with longing, with desperate want and need for this woman. She's expecting my child!

"Chére, I'm sorry I upset you with this question, but I really don't know. I don't know what's going on. Can you tell me where we stand right now, chére?" Confusion defines me at that moment.

"Can you believe this guy?" Kitty comments, shaking her head.

"Can anyone answer my questions here?" I ask in exasperation. She brushes past me, storming out of the kitchen. I hold her arm to stop her. "Where's Etienne?" Our eyes lock and I agonize at the coldness coming from hers. Just two days ago, those same green eyes shone with the greatest of loves for me.

"Who the hell is Etienne? You're fucking crazy! Now let go of me." She barks and I did as told, and, for a brief moment, our eyes met once again and there, those droplets of green hit me as hard as a train. They shone bright, a mix of longing, of hurt, of sadness in them. The vision breaks my heart. I feel Emma going past my mental shields and I just let her.

"Next time you come see Oli, I don't wanna see you, Remy. And forget the scans, I don't want you there. You hear me?" And she's out of the door. Oli, is that our son's name then? She made clear to me that night when we met in the cemetery, she named him that because she couldn't give him my last name when she did his papers, so she decided to give him my middle name so he'd at least have one name of mine. It makes sense that she didn't name him Etienne again. There was no need. I was around, this Oli boy probably has my last name. I want to see him, I want to be with him so badly.

"Anna, wait!" Emma calls out. "He's future Remy! He really doesn't know what's happened."

Sheepishly, Anna reappears.

"What?" Her voice is barely there. I notice her breathing erratically and Emma speaks in my head. 'She's had a crush on future Remy. In five years, I know she's never forgotten him and his selfless act of love.'

"This is his timeline. He's the Remy that told you were going to get pregnant, the one you told me about in Cali, remember? About five years ago? For him, that was two days ago. And he's got no memory of what happened since he meddled with your lives."

"Is that so?" She asks me.

"Oui. Mon Dieu, Anna. Would it be too much if I asked to see our son? I'm dying to see him. His name is not Etienne, then."

"No, his name is Oli. And he's outside with Logan. They are building a tree house."

She doesn't give me any opening, but even so, I throw my arms around her body and press a kiss on her cheek.

"If he's made it, then, that's good enough for me. I don't know why you're so mad at me, but if…"

"Oli" She offers. "His full name is Oliver Raven Le-Beau."

"… if Oli is alive, then, it was all worth it."

The cloud lifts up, I let go of her and she manages a little smile at me, which I return with a much wider and warmer one.

"Come. I'll take you to him."

We walk outside, and through a swirl of sickening fears that took me over comes his mother's voice, the voice of the woman I've loved for such long temps, casual and light, she calls him.

"Oli!"

A boy comes running, beaming at the sight of us. He looks up at us under that mop of brown hair that dominates his face. There are eyes in there somewhere. He had skin the same color as me, that brownish color without the effort of trying to get a tan, not pale white like his beautiful mom. And his eyes are blue. Who knew, huh? Maybe my eyes would be blue if they weren't like this. I feel relieved that he hasn't inherited my fear instilling eyes.

"Daddy!" He shouts out. "I missed you!" What was I supposed to say? I missed you too? I had no recollection of ever meeting him, I didn't know him at all. I was dying to get to know him, though.

"I'm so very glad to see you, little man. You have no idea!" I reply honestly.

I crouch down and open my arms, he jumps into them with such enthusiasm. I let him knock me down and we fall to the grass and the handsome petite garcon roars with laughter.

"Daddy, daddy! You gotta see the tree house we made!"

I look at Anna who watches us with a guarded smile. She shrugs and waves dismissively.

"We'll talk later." She says. I take one of his tiny little hands in mine and let my son guide the way while his mother goes back into the mansion with a pensive expression on her face.

-O-

Emotional pain has a biological purpose, I guess. To teach, to educate us away from unhealthy patterns and relationships. I've been pushing back against pain for so long, medicating it with friendship, with romantic notions, yet it returns in my weaker moments, devastating my mind. To keep repeating this pattern will only prolong it, keep the pain underneath when in truth it must rise. That's why I must break away from it, from the cause of such suffering. But what does one do when they are addicted to pain? What can I do when it comes in disguise, in the most beautiful of packages, pulling me towards him with the force of a thousand magnets?

That's what happened. I couldn't fight the pull. Everyone thinks I'm the stupidest of women walking the Earth. The man leaves my sorry ass to go on an adventure, risking his life for a beautiful woman he'd never met before. And what did I do when he was finally back from Nicaragua, Guatemala, Buenos Aires, gosh, who the hell knows? I, idiot me, fell under his spell and his sweet words one night when he came to bring Oli back to me. He said he loved me, then he goes and sort of loses his smile, the eyes become intense, too intense for me to ignore. There's this animalistic hungry stare of his and good judgement leaves me completely. Next thing I know, I'm panting for breath and the deeper I breathe, the more I come in contact with this sexual energy that involves us both. We are a mess, I know. I just can't resist him, he kisses me in between 'I love yous', lays down on top of me and we make love. I'm mad at him, crazy furious, but that didn't stop me. We spend the night together, making love to each other, unknowingly creating yet another life.

How could I? How in the world could I lay in bed and let him make love to me after what I'd seen? He looked sad, and gorgeous and in a moment of weakness I believe him when he said it was all a misunderstanding, told me how he was only helping that poor woman who needed to save her daughter. I was crazy and aroused and I missed his body like crazy so yeah, I fucked him all right that night. You know, when you're separating, I don't know if it happens to everyone, but I had that one and some other nights of, how should I call it? Relapse! Yes, relapse. Times when I saw him, and I just didn't care, I wanted to fuck him regardless.

But after those nights I'd be plagued by regret and hated myself for being with that dirty cheater. Oh, the cynic he is! He told me they were only trying to survive by cuddling naked, yes, you heard me, fucking naked in the snow. No one told me, I saw it! I tracked him because we were getting all these alerts about a mutant who fit his description. He's my husband, the father of my child, of course I had to go and try to rescue him. It was my duty, right?

Now, what am I supposed to do? Forgive him? Would he believe this survival story if it was me who'd been caught red-handed? I don't believe he would. We've always played it cool around each other but I know he's jealous. He hides it well, but I know better than that. Maybe he wouldn't have freaked out and got all fussy about it, true. Remy, having his Don Juan past, maybe, I don't know, maybe he would let it go. He'd understand love and attraction do not necessarily go together. Well, I'm not him, sex is important to me. You don't just go having it with anyone. You expect your partner to love and cherish what he has with you, and save that for you and you only. Rogue here doesn't share her man. No, partner. I don't!

That image, the image of his body interlaced with hers when I came to rescue him from the mess he got himself into, well, that image flashes in my head every time I see him, and it hurts me. It hurts me to no end.

I know that woman totally played him, she said she was after some chemical that would save her daughter's life. And he, he was feeling bored, surely. He wanted an escape, so he left with her. Some mid-life crisis, huh?

He'd been looking for adventure for a long time before that. I guess being a married man and a parent wasn't as exciting as he thought it would be. So this woman seeks him out, saying she had received a message from him five years ago, a message from himself in the future, that said he was the only person who could help her out on that task.

If only! If only I hadn't opened my mouth to tell him what happened when I fell pregnant with Oli. I told him how another version of him, Remy from the future, had come to me, to tell me about the pregnancy. If I hadn't, maybe he wouldn't have believed her. Surely he wouldn't fall onto that trap. But he knew about future Remy, and so it made perfect sense to him. And to me as well. This woman, Joelle is her name, she's the other issue he had to deal with on that time-travelling mission of his. He had told me so. And that's the part that doesn't make sense. He went the extra mile to unite us, how could he go and meet this woman, the woman who could and would ruin it all?

We were in the kitchen this morning, Emma, Kitty and I. We were discussing my hottest problem at the moment: Remy says he won't sign the papers. He doesn't want a divorce, he told me over the phone. He wants me to give him another chance. After all he's put me through he thinks he's entitled to make my life harder by failing completely to respond to the request for a divorce. Then, we're surprised by him, showing up out of the blue. Well, not out of the blue, he wants to accompany me to the scan I'm having today. Someone must've tipped him off. He showed up for training last night and stayed the night in an empty room.

Now he shows up and acts like he's a fucking sleeping beauty, not knowing what's happened to us recently. He acted surprised at seeing my little baby bump and then asked me if the baby I'm expecting is his. Seriously! Has he no love for life? I got so mad I could have killed him right there and then. Then, I learn it's future Remy who's standing right in front of me, oblivious to everything. Everything! Our sweet wedding ceremony, all our life as a married couple, all nights we shared endless love promises while making love, the birth of Oli, our exhausting first years of parenthood, the times when he swore we'd grow old together, only to go and ruin it all, all of it, he missed all of it. Like Jon Snow, he knew nothing.

The revelation of our present had him watching me intensely and that made me nervous. He was the Remy I fell in love with again. He was the guy who risked his life, navigating the uncharted waters that his time-travelling powers are, to save me from depression, us from growing apart and our son from death. I felt my resolve to hate him weakening when I saw him staring at my lips as he spoke softly to me, trying to make me understand, understand that all he knew is that he loves me and wants us to be together, and our boy, to be alive.

I took him to Oli. I let them to spend the whole day together while I thought about it all.

Later, after I put Oli to sleep, he waits for me and wants to talk.

"Where am I supposed to go now, chére? I don't know."

"Now you go back to your woman."

"Am I with her?"

"You're staying in her apartment ever since I kicked you out."

"That's not how it was supposed to go. That's not why I went back in time. Anna, can't you see? Take me back, mon amour. I'm not that guy. I would never, I'd never leave you and our child behind."

"That's the point, Remy. You are exactly that guy and you know it. If I take you in, I'm buying another five years, maybe, until you get bored and go find yourself excitement again. It's a never ending cycle. You love me, I love you, then we do something to hurt each other, I hate you, you come back, then I fall for you, and it starts over. We should break the cycle, we should stop it. What's the point in all this, anyway?"

"I don't want to. Je t'aime, chére. I know I made you suffer and I'm sorry. Your pain, it seeps out in your words and it hurts to hear them, hurts to read them. I sense what is inside that troubles you, yet also there is so much goodness there too, bravery, tenacity and, love. There's love for me there, too. I can feel it! You can't hide it from me."

No words could ever do, tears stream down my face, his eyes look sad, so we simply hug. He then tells me how, in his timeline, he knew Joelle. They were a couple, they were doing okay until he met me by chance and both of us grew obsessed with each other again. Joelle found out, he opened up about his feelings, told her about our child and she was the one who suggested he went back in time to fix it all. She wanted to die, there was no miracle potion that would save her daughter. She was immortal, her daughter was going to die of old age and she wanted to go too.

"She was supposed to get the chemicals by herself. I met her in the past, after I met you, chére. I gave her all the details of the job. She wasn't supposed to go after me. I gave her all the instructions that would make it easier to get what she needed. I don't understand. It sounds awful, but, she was supposed to be dead." He confessed with a serious expression on his face.

"Well, I know you're a smart man, sugar. So you know where you need to go to find your answers." I said coldly.

"Do you know where she lives?"

"Of course, I do. I dropped our son there a couple of times."

I gave him the address, typed in his cell phone for him. He stares incredulously at the words and numbers on the screen.

"That's where my apartment is in my time line."


	12. Chapter 12

Determined to go back home. I mean not home, where is home supposed to be when you have just gravitated through different timelines? I don't even know who I am, right now. Am I capable of cheating on my wife? Leave the country and not even make a call to my beautiful son? Anyways, what I'm saying is I want to go back to the apartment. I'll most probably find some answers there. So, I hit the stairs. In the bedroom where I woke up, I find my trench coat. Amongst other items, like that Queen of Hearts card that I carry everywhere, I found the key to my apartment in one of its many pockets. Maybe this key will work, maybe it won't. If it doesn't, I can always pick the lock, non? So why am I even wasting my time on this? Yes, the coat. I cannot simply leave it behind.

At the moment Anna showed me the address on her cell phone, one slot, at least one, fell into place. I remembered that I was eyeing that property some time before California happened. It was first intended as a safe house. Then, things failed with Anna, and being in the mansion all of the time became a torture. She would barely look into my eyes, let alone talk to me, so I left to give her the space she seemed to need. Only at that day in the cemetery I found out why she was so distant, she was fucking depressed and I am a moron for not having noticed. Anyway, I decided to buy the place and turn it into a proper home. Later came the cats, then, finally, years later, Joelle.

So the apartment is mine, I concluded. As I married Anna, I must have kept the place secret, hidden from everyone. It must be a safe house, as I had first planned. Not even my wife knew about it. Apparently, I'm still keeping secrets from her, and somehow I'm not amazed. These secrets, I don't know why I have them, but I just do. Maybe I'm afraid once my mysterious aura is gone, no one will really give a shit about me. But this is Rogue, my one true love, the woman I could never really let go. She's the woman who gave me a child. She's my wife.

Wife! Rogue is my wife. I'll never take it for granted, that my Anna became my Mrs. Who knew I'd finally tame my wild spitfire of a Southerner? I guess the same could be said about me. She managed to shackle me in marriage. We both deserve some prize for that. However, I'm not sure she really did domesticate me, because, according to what she says, I took off with another woman.

It makes me wonder, have I really cheated on her as she believes? I gotta find a way to know the truth.

Just as I was leaving the mansion, my head spinning uncontrollably as I was immersed in thoughts, trying to work out what went down, I hear her calling out my name. I froze in place and could hear nothing but her hurried steps towards me. When she stopped right in front of me, I prepared myself to be verbally abused or something, but she didn't speak. She eyed me cautiously instead. Her green eyes shining, lips parted. She was like a magazine cut-out dropped in front of me. Beautiful Anna, my Anna.

"Remy?" Only now I realize I haven't uttered a single word to acknowledge her.

My usual swagger fled faster than a gambler from a bookie. I swallowed nervously. I lose my grace and usual calm poise, it amazes me the effect this woman has on me. And she's been mine, time and again, she's carrying my child. She's my wife. All these notions, they are drilled into my mind now. I want nothing more than to please her and make her love me again. But this is no fairy tale, this is real life. She believes I cheated on her and her resentment shows in every little thing she does.

"Um, yeah. This is Remy. I mean me, future me, now, present me." She didn't smile, now replaying the scene in my head, I realize how ridiculous I must've sounded. And I was. I mean, ridiculously confused. Guess I still am.

"Sorry. What is it, chére? Do you need anything?" I ask with my heart in my mouth.

"Here. Take this." Her eyebrows raised and she extended a manicured hand. She handed me a flash drive memory stick, managing to avoid even the tiniest portion of her hand to touch mine.

"So what can I expect to find here, chére?"

"Memories, Remy. Memories you don't have. This is not me, okay. You did it for yourself. For when our timeline met yours and you had no clue of what happened." I gasped. Now that was thoughtful. I'll make a mental note of thanking myself for that. "I knew you were doing this, and you always told me where to find it, in case, well, you, future you, now you, whatever, showed up. I'm not your greatest friend right now, but it would be too vile on my part if I didn't give this to you."

"Mercy, chére. That will be… really helpful."

"Yeah, well, have fun watching what you threw away." She said bitterly. And with that, she turned her back to me and was about to leave when I asked her not to.

"Chére! Anna! Please, stay for a second, would you? Please?" She looked over her shoulder, a tear had rolled down her face. That's why she was running away from me.

"What is it, Remy? What is it that you want?" She was now sniffling.

"Can I… Can I touch your… Can I feel the baby in you?" She let out an annoyed breath in response. "Please?" I insist. She could have said no, right? If she really didn't want me near her, she could have refused, but she didn't. She turned and stood in front of me, held out her hand and as soon as I placed mine in hers, she guided it to her belly. She never looked into my eyes, but watched my hand as I touched her stomach. Oh, the sensation. It was unworldly. I could actually feel the buzz of our skins in contact, and what was under hers, our baby. I could feel it, I could feel it moving.

"She doesn't move that often." She commented.

"You said she? But we still don't know if it's a boy or a girl, right? That's what you told me."

"No. I just have a feeling." She replied softly. "There are some advanced blood tests that can tell you, but I want to see it in the scan. So far, no luck. Baby's had his or her legs crossed."

"Really?"

"Yeah." We let out a deep sigh together as if timed and choreographed. She let go of my hand, ending our connection abruptly. Not knowing what to do with my hands, I shoved them into my pocket.

"So, delivery made. Goodbye now, Remy." She said in a thin voice.

"Bye, chére." I said when all I wanted to do was to do some Hollywood dance with her, take her by the hand, twist her body around, hold the small of her back and lean into her for a cinematographic kiss. Her hand would come up and brush my face as our kiss went on and on. But no lights, no kiss, no Anna, she vanished up the stairs. It was just me and the road to hit.

So I head to the apartment, dying for having at least that as a familiar environment. The key I had didn't work, but I let myself in regardless. I took a look around and it was deserted, only me now. I find what I assume is my laptop computer. I had to try a few of my passwords until I got the correct one, and finally, I can see the things I prepared for myself to watch. There was a read me file, something cheeky I wrote myself and instructions regarding the best order to watch the videos.

The first one was our wedding day. He, Remy from the past, explained that Anna had told him about my time travel that very day. And I decided to record small videos so that I would be able to see the important events when I came back from my timeline meddling experience.

"First of, merci pour interferer. That was the best meddling ever! Finally, someone did something nice to me, and surprise, surprise, it was myself!" I was flustered and had probably been drinking. It was probably towards the end of the party. I filmed some of the people there. There were Stormy and Kitty in their bridesmaid gowns. Logan and Hank who looked drunker than me. Belle and her new husband were also there. I told her the reason I was making that video.

"Hello, future Remy! I hope you're still married to Rogue when you finally get to see this." She said in her acid humor. We both laughed at it and I assured her I would grow old with my Southern belle. You know? Southern belle as in Belle, get the joke?

And then, all else was just a blur, because there was her, my bride. A vision of perfection.

"Now her, Remy, mon ami. Look at her. You gotta see this woman of ours." She was absolutely stunning. She was not perfectly polished anymore and that was what looked absolutely perfect to me. She must have danced or something. Some strands of her hair had already broken free from the intricate hairdo she had going on, makeup was a little smudged, especially on the lips area. I'd say it could only have been my doing. I never thought wedding dresses could be particularly beautiful. I thought women could look much better in other outfits. But her, she was a vision to behold. Thank you again, past me, for letting me in on this. She looked like an angel, but sexy, oh so sexy. I will never be able to describe her wedding dress, I wouldn't know all the jargon involved, but I can tell you about that plunging neckline. Man, what the fuck was that! I got a hard on just watching her come skipping my way. Such a wide smile adorned her lips. It seemed she was happy to take me as her husband, so happy. Wasn't she pregnant yet? If she was, I couldn't tell.

"What's going on, husband? What are you doing with that camera?" She asks in a playful tone.

"Getting it ready and set for our wedding night sex tape." He says with a sneer and then does a face to the camera.

"You fucker!" She says, hitting me in the arm as she always does.

"Exactly! That's the spirit, chére." The camera is put away. But I can hear the sounds and little moans as we kiss.

"Not here, love. Not now, we got all life for that. Let's enjoy our party." She says in between smooch sounds. Remy is in view again.

"Well, that's bye for now, brother." And the video ended.

And that's how I spent the night, watching countless videos, videos of Anna's pregnancy, scans, many more videos of Oli and his baby achievements.

It was well past three in the morning, and I was watching him say his first words, Joelle arrived. His first word was daddy by the way, much to Anna's dismay.

"Remy!" She said. "Waiting for me, dear?" She said, then rested the palm of each of her hands on my shoulders, bent over and kissed me. I didn't exactly respond to the kiss as she might have expected. I didn't push her away, but didn't deepen it either.

"So, how was your day?" She asked with a smile. "You took off when I was sleeping last night apparently. It was the day of the scan, right? So, what is it? Could you guys see it this time?" She asked about the child Anna is expecting with such excitement that got me puzzled. I decided to play along and see how much info she'd give me.

"Non, she was… well, she was not in a good mood today. So she canceled it."

"Oh, really? Is that so? I was at home until 6pm and you hadn't arrived. Did she let you spend the day with Oli? How's he doing?" She seemed too fond of and interested in my children. I couldn't decide if this was okay or not.

"He's fine. We played all day together. Logan made him a tree house and he loved it. My back now hurts. I was crouching inside of it for the best part of the day."

"I could always give you a back rub, handsome." There. There is something between us indeed. My correct answer would be a smirk, a tease, and a full blown sexual advance. But I'm not that good an actor, and I was so down, after watching all the things I had and now I don't, I couldn't even bring myself to put an effort into lying and playing my part. So what came out was a grunt.

"What is it, Remy?"

"Nothing, I… it's nothing."

"Missing Oli already? You know what you should do. You should sign those papers, divorce her and then you'll guys have everything settled in court. He should spend more time with you and you know it. You'll get shared custody, so he'll spend half the time with you. You know I love him too, like a mother would. I could be his second mama when he's here with us." That! Now that gave me the creeps. Is that what this is all about? She's lost her daughter and now wants me and my children as a replacement. Is that why she decided to go on, then? So I

could give her a new family? The mere hypothesis in my head made me mad at her. How could I keep faking it? She read my silence and my lack of reactions but responded as if Anna was the source of trouble.

"Why won't you talk to me, Remy? I know, it's her, right? You're still loving her. She doesn't want you back, dear. How hard is it for you to get that? It doesn't matter how many times you tell her what really happened during our crazy rollercoaster ride to get the formula from the secret HYDRA base. She judges you by that scene alone. She's never really loved you or trusted you, Remy. Can't you see that? Why would you want to be with an impulsive woman like her? An impulsive woman who doesn't trust you, that is."

"So, nothing happened between us before she found us?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Answer me!" I shouted. Ok, I totally threw care to the wind.

"I know what this is."

"Fuck, Joelle. Answer the damn question!"

"You're the time traveling Gambit! I've read all about you, sweetie. I wrote myself a letter, a letter you delivered to me, without ever opening it. And I know more about you than you can imagine."

"So you played me!" I spoke angrily.

"No, I didn't. I just didn't kill myself like my other self had planned, simply because I didn't feel like dying. You! I saw potential in you. I fell in love with the man the Joelle you know described so tenderly in that letter. I thought that maybe, maybe you're worth it. You're worth living for."

"Has you daughter passed away?" I asked, regaining my calm and confidence. She nodded her head and looked away from me for the first time since she arrived. She hugged herself instinctively and stared outside the window.

"And we got the chemical you were looking for?" Again, another nod.

"And you haven't killed yourself?"

"Well, that's the part where you should say 'I'm glad that you made the right choice." I say I'm sorry she got the impression I wanted her dead. She told me that she kept the chemical in her possession, so she can have a way out like everyone else. She said I made her happy. Cold-heartedly, I said I just wanted to be with Rogue and our child. That was all.

She was not standing on my way, or was she? I gather the courage and ask her what exactly happened.

"I know what she saw. She must've seen the same scene she witnessed in my timeline. I want to know if it was innocent this time around, though, because it had been the first time. We only hooked up much later, after all the baddies were out of our way. Was it the same this time? Or did I cheat on my wife? She seems very convinced that I did."

"You didn't. But the point is, will you take my word? Will she? So what difference does it make what I say? Besides, that's information you already had. You probably told her your version of the facts, but she had none of it. Sorry, handsome, I don't see how this knowledge could help you." I swallow hard at her words. She's right.

"Are we together now? Me and you?"

"Kind of."

"So we…"

"It seems like you don't know yourself. She kicked you out, you came to this place where you had let me stay. Because I… I have lost all I had to pay for my daughter's treatment. But don't worry, dear, we only got intimate after she kicked your sorry ass out of her bed. So, in my book, this is not cheating. She let you go first."

"Not sure it's the same in HER book." I commented with a fake little smile.

"Remy, me and you, we're so much alike. We are cool and collected while Rogue is hysterical, way too emotional, all over the place. She's impulsive, she's… she's a fucking drama queen! Why would you even bother? Your children will always be your children, whether you're together or not. And you can have me, a person who acts cool like you. I won't try to tame you, won't try to turn you into someone you're not." I hear her words and sigh. 'But you're not whom I love.' I reply in my head. As if I could control what I feel for Anna. If there was any reason in it, I'd never ever even come close to her.

"We can do some thieving together when we get bored of everyday life." She said with a smile, tentatively brushing a finger on my chin, bringing my eyes to level with hers. I stared at her, never saying a word.

"I love you, Remy." She says. Those are not the lips I want to hear these words from, I know.

Mon Dieu, I thought I'd be solving my problems by turning back in time. Merde! If only I knew I'd be bringing my love life to a whole new level of fuckedness.

But I'll take it all gracefully because now I'm a father of two and Anna is still known as Mrs. LeBeau.

I tell Joelle I need time alone. She is cool indeed. She says goodnight and leaves me be. I flip my laptop open again and go back to watching my videos. I fall asleep to the sound of Anna's and Oli's voices.


	13. Chapter 13

That night, shockingly, I turned and twisted in bed all night. These days I guess I could even sleep standing up if I tried, so tired I am all of the time. I have this overwhelming urge to sleep that takes over me and I just can't help it. But not that night, oh no, not after seeing Remy LeBeau. My encounter with my most anticipated 'Remy from the future' left me wide awake and alert all night long.

I checked my nightstand clock from time to time. The hours seemingly went by as fast as minutes. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't sleep. His hand on my belly had been like a hot iron that left an invisible brand on me. I could somehow still feel it, still feel it burn. I tried to think of other things, but somehow my hand inevitably traveled where his hand had been over and over again. And it stayed there, as if trying to feel the love he's placed there.

As he touched me, the baby twisted inside of my womb. It's still early days for that, I guess I had only felt it move two or three times. Perhaps there is a connection between them already.

As she wriggled and his hand trembled lightly, I couldn't level my eyes with his. So, I looked down at his hand all the while, feeling a million butterflies in my stomach. Such tension was followed by a sickening feeling in my gut while I silently choked back tears.

That's the man who didn't hesitate before cheating on me. But at the same time, it isn't him. This time travelling thing is so confusing! Still, underneath the hateful cheater, I know there's also my husband in there, the father of my children, the love of my life and keeper of my heart. He's the man who risked his life by going back in time to save us all from the death of our son. For God's sake, who am I kidding? I love him! I know I still do, or maybe it's just that I'm still attracted him. Could it be that what I feel is desire only? Those nights I went to bed with him, despite what he's done, despite how hurt I feel because of what I've seen could be proof of that. Those nights of passion, yes, they are a good indicator. I laid on my bed, the bed I used to share with him, absentmindedly caressing the baby bump, and let my thoughts and imagination run wild and keep me awake. I sigh despite myself.

When something bugs me I can only sleep when I'm exhausted. When I feel the tiredness in my chest, in how I breath, and my thoughts drag by in slow motion. That night was no different. I slunk to a quiet spot and curled up. I stared at the ceiling while I weighed my chances. It was three in the morning, if I managed to sleep then, I'd get three hours of sleep. That's if I were lucky, if Oli didn't show up in my bedroom after a nightmare.

I guess I dozed at some point only to later on wake up as startled as if a gunshot had sounded, heart beating fast and breathing as if I'd just surfaced from deep water. The gunshot was just my phone. Someone was calling, at three in the morning.

"Rogue?" A phone call at an inconvenient time, a woman's voice calling me Rogue, with that accent. I knew all right who it was.

Belle used to hate me back in the day and slowly warmed up to me as she realized I was not some bitch out to get Remy. I cared for him as much as he cared for me. She told me later she hated me for ruining her last chance of having him as her husband, or, at least, what she thought was her last chance. We were in love with each other already and there was simply no breaking that. As time went by, and my trips to New Orleans became more frequent, she gradually started speaking civilly to me. By the time Remy and I got married, his ex-wife and I had no problems at all being around each other. So, obviously, I didn't object to him inviting her.

Firstly, I thought it was gracious that he did so. He wasn't some horrible husband that was marrying again, it just didn't work out but they were still in good terms. And above all, I knew that despite all that happened between them Remy still loved her. Not as a wife, but as a close friend, probably his oldest friend, his childhood sweetheart.

But there was a major turning point in my relationship with her that happened while I was expecting Oli. I was six months pregnant and we went down South so his father would see me pregnant with his son's child. He was so happy and so proud that Remy finally settled down, he could hardly contain himself. On our second day of visit, I fell down the stairs. Worry not, I didn't roll down the entire staircase, just tripped on my dress when there were only three more steps to go. But I landed funny and hurt my ankle. I was examined and doctor said I was having contractions. They feared I would go into labor too early. They said I couldn't travel back to New York. To make matters worse, I was prescribed bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.

And then along came Belle! She volunteered to help me out, keep me company and care for me. Remy could do all that, but having another woman to talk to definitely made all the difference. There was some chaos going on back in mutant world, Kitty was in a mission, so Belladonna filled the devoted friend role more than perfectly. Later, she told me she herself had miscarriaged twice in the year before. Her husband and she were devastated, she was in shreds and only now was she able to speak of it. The image she had of me, the seductress, the home breaker was well in the past, she said. And after her unexpected display of kindness towards me, I started calling her a friend.

"Belle? What on Earth? Is Remy's phone off? I'm… I'm not with him," I declare timidly as I assume she could only be looking for him and that she doesn't know we are living apart now. For her to be calling me at that time of night, some Guild war must've exploded in New Orleans yet again and she wants his advice or his help.

"Cut the crap. We both know where your husband is." She said pointedly, and went on. "What the hell are you doing, Rogue? You're practically throwing him into another woman's arms!" Oh, OK, so she knows.

"Oh, Belle!" I started. "You of all people, taking the time to call me to…" I said, feeling genuinely touched that the call was actually for me, and that she cared enough.

"To open your eyes." She cut in. "After everything you've overcome to be together, I can't believe you'd give up now. I refuse! The ex-wives of Remy LeBeau club isn't accepting new members."

"Oh, is it not? Don't break my heart, Belle. I can't take any more rejection." I joke. "Now, seriously, thanks, Belle. I mean, I appreciate that you care and what you're trying to do, I do. But there's no turning back, this ship has sailed. He's… he's cheated on me. I caught him in the act. No one told me, sugar. I've seen it! So that's the end of it. I'm not the kind of woman who forgives cheating and then, gets cheated on again."

"You forgave him long enough to get another baby. Obviously you weren't too upset." She commented dryly.

"That! Oh, that, well, er… That was an accident." I spoke shyly, I could feel my cheeks burn. I just hate when people ask about it, how it's happened. Everyone takes me for a complete idiot for falling pregnant by my cheater of a husband after having discovered his misconduct. Bobby hates him for that. 'One child with an ex is okay, now two children, Anna? Are you completely out of your mind? Couldn't he at least have used a condom when we all know he's fucking another woman?' I remember him saying when I told him.

"An accident? So you two were hanging out naked when you tripped and fell in his lap? Don't insult my intelligence!" She snapped.

I tried to imply he was the one who started it, but there's simply no kidding her, that clever bitch.

"Bet your X-friends love that version. Gambit the unfaithful louse who seduced his poor, heartbroken wife! But I know Remy better than I like you. I know that man doesn't go where he's not invited. God only knows what you two see in each other! It's his ass, isn't it?"

"His ass? Yeah, his ass, those eyes, that mop of brown hair sliding over his face, and that cock of his, I…" Belle clears her throat. I get the message, too much information. But hell, she's the only person I could discuss that particular topic with. "What I mean, Belle, what I mean is lust is no love. Can't you tell the difference? Besides, when I found out I was pregnant, I admit, the idea of forgiving him did cross my mind. It did! I can be honest with you about that. I haven't told anyone about this. I headed to his place, my heart in my hand, to give him the news and who knows, if he played his cards right, give him another try. But when I got there, that woman answered his door. She was wearing nothing but his shirt. The bitch told me he was sleeping, asked me if she should wake him up." I felt my eyes pooling with tears at that memory. I swallowed the lump in my throat, but Belle's no fool. She noticed. "So when I left, I was so mad that I set my mind on the divorce. So, I put it in motion as soon as I possibly could."

"Bless your heart... Anna, listen to me. This woman could be very well be playing both of you. You didn't even see him. It's possible he wasn't even there and she conned you."

"Wake up, Belle. They are living together! How much clearer does it have to get?"

"No, you're right. I'm not there, I don't know the details. Here's what I know: he's never been so invested in any woman like he is in you. When I still clung onto our vows and our marriage, he was already in love with you. That shit hurt. And he couldn't touch you then. But he never gave up hope, never! Because he loved you more than me, more than his need for sex. Chere, coming from any man, that's a lot. Coming from LeBeau, who can have any woman in his bed, that's fucking huge! And you know it." I sighed heavily. There was a brief pause, unsettling silence. "I talked to him." She continued. "He's devastated, Rogue. He puts on a brace face but he misses you and Oli. I could have every reason to want your marriage to fail but when he told me he wasn't unfaithful, I believed him. He had nothing to gain by telling me. I won't tell him we spoke, but if you still love him, you should fight for your marriage. Do you love him?"

"I do! Oh, I do! I fucking do!" I confess to her, I confess to myself. The truth that I wanted to hide from myself was out. I still love him, I'm hurt, I hate the fact that he's left us to go on an adventure with a freaking hot lady, who happens to be unable to age, that bitch! I also hate that he hadn't called, I hate that I had to search for him myself and found him naked sleeping by her side. Belle pointed out how Remy knows a thing or two about surviving in the snow, thanks to ME. Obviously she didn't let the chance of pointing that out pass like that. She said maybe it's true, maybe he was indeed just trying to die another day. He said they hugged tight to let their body heat to warm up one another.

Was I too fast in assuming the worst?

Then I tell her about Remy being back, the one who time-travelled for the sake of our family.

"Rogue, you owe him a conversation. I know you two love the drama but you need to consider what this is doing to your son. You just said you love Remy. Trust me, no one knows better than me how brutal love is. We got slaughtered when we became different people with different goals. I don't think you're there. Not yet. Can you try to discuss this with him, Anna? Without having an 'accident'?"

I finally agree with her. I'm honestly not so sure about the no-accident policy, but I'll try. I know she's right. I need to listen, really listen to him this time. Because all I've been doing is acting upon my jealousy and the impressions that seeing him naked with another woman left in me. I haven't been very reasonable lately, but then again, goddamn it! I'm pregnant, it's not like good judgement is my most valued virtue right now.

I thank her for baring the truth as it for me. I needed someone to give ma reality shock, to tell me things other than only what I expected to hear. Bobby would be the person to do that were he not so biased against Remy in first place.

Yes, I'm gonna talk to him. No accidents this time, I can't help but chuckle. Gotta keep that in mind too.

The resolution brought me peace, and I fell asleep soon after Belle and I said our goodbyes.

-O-

My future self has laid out all the plans to me, all dates, all facts, everything I should know to have the best chances to get the chemicals and, most importantly, to get HIM.

It all seemed easy enough. Remy LeBeau and I were a couple in the future, before his now wife came along. She was a clingy ex he couldn't shake off. How hard could it be for me to alienate him from her? The man did have an attraction for me, I knew it for a fact, or we wouldn't have hooked up in his timeline. So all I had to do was play the game by the book, better saying, by my letter. I'd follow the instructions, and victory was granted. Or that's what I liked to tell myself, at least.

It turned out it was not all so simple. I had no idea how strong his feelings for his woman were. In the letter she was pictured as a silly ex-girlfriend, nothing but that. Come on! They were never married, nor did they have children. She couldn't be that important.

They worked together for a long time, attraction sparkled between them. They had an on and off thing, period. Then, sometime later, they meet by chance, he gets intrigued, involved, wants more. She reciprocates his feelings and bang, they have a flashback moment and I was caught in the middle. Surely this happens every day, right? To lots of people! And once sexual desire is quenched, people go back to their old lives. So, I assumed that if he didn't go time traveling, he'd probably be back to me. I could see no threatening obstacle in my way.

I was in for huge deception, though. Despite all my advances, I didn't get him to really cheat on her. I reached out for him, showed him the letter. Not the full letter, just one page I wrote in the future specially for the occasion. He believed me, the oh-so-clever master thief fell for my story like a lamb to the slaughter. So, he followed me and helped me out, we went through hell and high water, got what we were searching for but that was as far as it went. There was not much time for romance, anyway. Besides, my daughter was in her deathbed. I wasn't in the mood. His wife caught us naked as we fought frostbite and assumed we had been fucking all night long, as I had told myself would happen. And with that, I thought I had secured what my future self promised me: a man worthy of my time, a little boy, his son, a child I could care for and nurture like my own. A new beginning! All I had to go was get his wife, the ex-girlfriend, out of the way. The little scene at the snow appeared to have worked.

However, when we came back from our heist, he started his crusade: trying to win her back. He saw her every day at the X-Mansion and he tried to chat her up whenever he got the chance, which was very often. Later I learned that many times when he tried talking to her, convincing her he hadn't cheated, he got her to fuck him instead. Apparently she turns all that anger into passionate rage and ends up having angry sex with him. I don't know how many times they did it, what I know is that there's definite proof it happened, she got pregnant.

When I learned about it, I asked him how in the world that was possible if she claims he hates his guts now.

"She looks even prettier when she's mad, so I had to kiss those angry pouts away, chére." He declared smugly. He didn't even try to hide how happy he was that he knocked her up yet again, even though she still wouldn't take him back in her bed.

All the while, he kept acting friendly to me. No amount of sexy clothing and insinuation were changing that. Sexual attraction can obliterate common sense and intuition in the most sensible people, and I knew he could be sexually attracted to me, so why didn't it work? I'll tell you why it didn't work! Because he loves her, truly loves that woman. I wonder what he sees in her that I lack. Fuck, I know it's not that! It's way beyond that. It's not what he sees, but what he feels. And that I failed to tell myself in that fucking letter, the man loves his woman. If only I knew, I would never have reached out for him.

But now that I have, and now I'm in love with him. So I decide to try one last thing. I knew the exact day he time travelled, so when he came back, I was going to tell him we were in a relationship. He wouldn't know for sure we weren't, so maybe things would start from there. It was a good plan.

Firstly I told him he was not spending enough time with Oli, he didn't refute that, so yes, it was him, the time traveling Gambit. He didn't know they were sharing him equally. That alone made me want to laugh. I could see it now, see him become mine, see that gorgeous child of theirs become my own.

And then came the question.

"Are we together now? Me and you?" He asked with a frown.

"Kind of.", I lie convincingly.

But my efforts have gone to waste. Even after that, he wouldn't have me. The next two days I tried, and tried, but he wouldn't even kiss me, until he finally confessed.

"Sorry, chére. I know you say we had a thing going on, but I just can't bring myself to, to be with you, you know? I'm still in denial. I can't believe Anna and I are not together. Besides, I don't think it would be fair to use you, you know, for sex. It's her that I want."

I told him it was okay, that I was patient, but he had an insight, a dangerous idea.

"You know what? If I did it once, I could probably do it again." He says with sparkling eyes, full of determination.

"Do what?" I ask incredulously. He couldn't possibly be thinking…

"Go back in time. Sorry, Joelle. But I can't stand being away from her. Perhaps if I don't go with you, I'll fix this."

What I didn't have the guts to tell him is that he wouldn't be erasing me, I'd still know who he was, I'd still be tempted to do whatever it takes to snatch him away from her.


	14. Chapter 14

'Gotta fix this. I just gotta fix it.' I repeated as a mantra in my head, as I prepared myself for yet another trip back in time. It was decided. I'd go back to the time when Joelle sought me out, and say 'no'. No, I ain't going with you. No, I can't leave my family behind to risk my life for someone I've never seen before. And especially, cut the bullshit, I know you ain't looking for some miracle cure for your daughter, mama.

I tell her about my decision and she doesn't seem too pleased.

"Remy, are you sure about this? You went back, solved some things and screwed others." She trailed off.

"I can't think of a single thing I screwed up. Got Anna to have my baby, got married to her. Even got the Professor to solve her powers puzzle before he had in my timeline through a simple phone call. I reached out for you, and you, you got what you wanted, didn't you, chére?" I say while opening and closing my wardrobe doors, looking for a new pack of cards. Better be prepared than sorry.

"Well, as far as I know, you screwed ME up..." She gave it a pause and added sarcastically "Chére" I stop what I'm doing and lock eyes with her. Her blue eyes are colder than a witch's tit, but I still hold our gaze right there.

"Say what? I guess it's quite the opposite." I can't bring myself to hate the woman for some unknown reason, but the truth is that she's the one who put me in trouble. I run a hand through my hair, trying and failing to disguise the anger that's boiling up inside of me. I don't know how she did it, but it's clear that she broke Anna and me apart. How could I have chosen her over Anna is all I wanted to understand. They are both smoking hot, make no mistake. I'm not talking about her looks, but what each of them mean to me. I've loved Anna for over a decade now. How could I leave that and the family we've built for a fling, an adrenaline rush of excitement? Never thought I could be that stupid. It doesn't make any sense to me. And yet, she accuses me of screwing her up. Now that will be interesting.

"You made me fall for you, Remy. The other Joelle, the one from the letter, seemed resigned to her fate. She liked you, but she still wanted to go. She had enough of life and nothing mattered to her anymore. Even though you were a great distraction, her daughter was gone, her meaning for life was nonexistent."

"I didn't do anything for you to love me, Joelle. Not in this timeline, I guess. I helped you out, that was all I did, non?"

"The way she described you on that letter, you were a prince, the kindest man I had the pleasure of meeting in all my long life. The affair of yours, it all looked like something out of a movie. And there was also what I had seen when you came over to deliver the letter five years ago. You were a gentleman, so kind, and so handsome, this bad boy style of yours made my mouth water. Remy Le Beau, a charming devil but still so gracious , generous enough to take the time to reach me, keeping your word and doing what you promised to the Joelle in your timeline you would do. I fell for you, Remy. Can you blame me?"

"Joelle, I…" I was lost for words. 'Sorry, chére. I so have no time for this right now' I thought. Sighing, I continued. "So if I hadn't gone back, you wouldn't have such high opinion of me? Is that what you're saying?" I ask her, brows dipping in confusion.

"You're so damn sexy with all this charm of yours. I'm in love with you. You gave me a reason to keep going. And I guess that doesn't sit quite well with your plans, does it?"

"Joelle, don't be foolish. I don't want you to die for me to live my life. Mon Dieu, where do you get these ideas from?"

"But I'm still standing in your way, aren't I? And yes, I've been a bitch to you. You don't know half of it." She then proceeds to tell me all the times she pretended to Anna that she and I were having a relationship. Apparently, me and her, we have never had sex in this time frame. So, she lied to me. She even sent my Anna away when she came over to tell me she was pregnant. No wonder my wife is so broken-hearted. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. Man, I didn't see that one coming.

Hearing her confessions hurt me a little, I have to admit. It hurts to know that someone you helped out, you considered a friend, above all things, has been stabbing you on your back all along. I narrow my eyes at her. She was always like that, wasn't she? I thought I was one step ahead of her, only to fall on my own ass. Truth is I never knew who she really was, and the mystery was what really kept me going. I have a taste for danger, I know. The woman whose family is in the business of killing people, the girl who'll suck the life out of you if you touch her and the mysterious bad ass woman who conned me at a gala.

"You shouldn't be looking for a reason to live anywhere but within yourself, you know?" I comment lightly, still keeping my cool. She simply nods her head in response. "Well, anyways, that's even the more reason for me to go and clear things up with Anna." I add.

"You don't have to go. You could just tell her. I could tell her, if you let me."

"You've done more than enough." I comment sarcastically. I tell her to keep a watch on the door. I have to concentrate, gather all the kinetic energy I can possibly hold within me. It was much easier to pull this feat while my omega powers were intact. Now, it takes time and effort, it takes all of me, really. "If you as much as open the door, the particles I'm manipulating, all that kinetic energy, it could cause an explosion, you understand that? So don't try to stop me and stop anyone who shows up, okay?"

She agrees and I retreat to my office and lock up the door. I don't know how long passes me by when I hear in the distance some female voices. Could it be that Anna has come over? Impossible. She hates me right now, would never come here out of the blue. It must be the old lady from across the hall, she's always bothering me. I close my eyes and concentrate.

-O-

The sun was set high in the sky when I finally opened my eyes. First thought that crosses my mind is Oli. My God! Where's Oli? Did he have his breakfast? Brushed his teeth? Later I learned that Storm neglected her busy schedule to personally take care of him and let me have a well-deserved lie in.

It's only after I get downstairs and see my boy that I remember the previous night resolution.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He shouts out as his eyes get as much as a glimpse of me. He runs my way, he hugs me tight around my legs.

"Hello, mommy's little prince." I say. "Why didn't you show up before in my room? I missed my little alarm clock." I tell him, not sure if he understands the alarm clock teasing. He firmly states he's a boy and not a clock. I chuckle at his innocence and pick him up in my arms, squeezing him into a tight embrace. He's the most beautiful little boy I've ever seen, my heart aches with love for him, so I just go and do what I do best, shower him with little kisses. He's ticklish on his neck, so that's my target. He starts squeaking and giggling. If he were an adult, maybe he would beg me to stop. But not him, when I stop, he asks for more. Oh, our son is just adorable! His pretty face and his full head of brown hair. He's the cutest!

In between giggles, he asks me where his daddy is. I feel that familiar tightness in my chest, a sudden burst of sadness mixed with guilt. It feels like I'm hurting him because I'm keeping him away from his beloved father. Before all this happened, every morning he would skip his way to our bed, and hop on it. Before we knew, he was sandwiched between us. That was the most glorious feeling, waking up to both my favorite men in the whole wide world every day. I realize how much I miss that. But now Remy's happy sleeping with someone else, I sigh as the thought crosses my mind. A pang of jealousy floods my heart and I drown in it.

"I don't know, sugar. He should be here already. Have you looked for him?"

"Mommy, I looked for him everywhere. EVERYWHERE!' He exaggerates his words theatrically. His little arms drawing an imaginary semi-circle over his head. I can't help laughing at his drama.

"Maybe I could help you look for him. What do you say?"

Storm approaches us and tells me I shouldn't be holding him in my arms anymore. When your bump gets too big, it will be harder to cut the habit off abruptly. Non-sense, I tell her. But I go and finally put him down, following her advice subconsciously.

"Where's Remy?" I mouth my words, so Oli wouldn't be too worked up.

"He called in sick early this morning." She states calmly.

"Sick? He never gets sick!" I complain. I take another look at Oli, who's now pulling my skirt, demanding me to go and look for his father. I remember Belladonna's words urging me to consider my son, what this separation is doing to him. He's obviously uncomfortable with this situation. The fact that Remy comes and goes, never stays, has Oli always fretting about his father's whereabouts. He wants to keep tabs of him all the time. That alone strengthens my desire to go and talk to him.

There's also all his efforts to have us back together. Like that time we were discussing what was the best time for him to bring him back to the mansion on a day he was about to spend at his place.

"Daddy, Mommy, why don't you kissy kiss anymore?" We were at loss for words, I remember. I stuttered, he stuttered and in the end, Remy said that mommy was a little angry at daddy, but that I would come around some time and we'd all be together again. Then, he went and cupped my face in his hands and gave me a sweet kiss. I just couldn't fight against it, even though I remember feeling mad at him. His lips touched mine ever so gently that I could hardly feel it. It was just a brush of lips, but the tenderness in his acted as a messenger of his still present love and affection.

Naturally, I called him later to lash out at him for that. "You're giving him false hopes! You don't play with his feelings. You can play with mine all you want, but not with his!" I remember saying in exasperation.

'Chére, I ain't playing. With you, I ain't never playing, told you that before. I do have faith that one day you'll come around and see what you're doing to us, and believe me when I say that I never cheated on you."

And so that day has come, or maybe a day for forgiving, at least. How can I trust it that he didn't cheat and Belladonna seems so sure of his innocence? Don't I love him enough? But I do! I do! Why can't I see what she sees? That he loves me with all his heart and could never do such a thing to us? Maybe it's my insecurity. After years of being the odd ball who can't touch anyone, I guess I grew used to the idea that nobody could really love me. It's hard to shed these past life ghosts.

Now one idea crossed my mind, as soon as Remy of the future showed up, maybe a week later, Professor calls me telling me he's figured out why my powers are incontrollable. Perhaps time-traveling Remy reached out for him and gave him the information he needed, information which maybe the Professor had only figured out way later in his timeline. This hypothesis added more weight to the feeling of guilt trapped in my chest.

I blink my eyes and wake up from my stream of thoughts.

"Storm, would you keep an eye on Oli for me today? I gotta see Remy. I'm gonna get that swamp rat back to me!" Storm shot both her eyebrows as high as they could possibly go.

"Is that so, Anna?" I nodded my head in reply and she eased her expression, her lips curving into a huge smile.

"Go, child. Just go and end this drama. I can't bear to see you guys broken like that. I can't vouch for most people, but for his fidelity, I do. You know why? I know that man is completely crazy for you." Oh great! Storm repeating Belladonna's speech. I felt like talking about all the evidence, but gave up. Maybe they are right, and I'm wrong. Woman of little faith! Maybe he didn't. I have to open my heart to that possibility. I'll go and listen to him, I'll really let him speak this time. And, when I get furious, if I get furious, that is, I have to promise myself I won't lunge at his lips. Those angry kisses make no sense at all. Fuck, Anna, you know that man's smell alone make your panties drop! But I gotta promise myself, no accidents this time!

I rush to my bedroom. As I pick something to wear, I realize I got something outrageously sexy, a dress that shows a bit too much cleavage which has in the past proved to make Remy unable to focus on anything else, but on my 'insane tits'. His words, not mine. Probably best not to wear that one, I decide, and throw it on the bed without a second look at it.

I settle for something less provoking, sporting a scoop neck and a bump-flattering Empire waist dress, its hem rests just above my knees and there's a romantic feel to it. Feeling confident about what the future holds, I get into my car and off I speed to his apartment building.

I ring his bell and I can't help a bad feeling creep into my soul. I remember the day I went there to tell him I was pregnant and Joelle answered the door. I try hard to keep my emotions in check, no sorrows will help me now.

Surprise, surprise. It's her again at the door. I take a deep breath, I shoot this intense glare at her and cross my arms over my chest.

"I'd like to see Remy." I speak firmly. She sighs, not caring to disguise she's not thrilled to see me.

"He's busy, Rogue. We're busy." Joelle replies with an arched brow and smirks victoriously at me.

"Really? Oh well, maybe I can join you, guys." I say in a bold attempt to piss her off. I ran a finger on a lock of her hair. I laugh inwardly at that. Remy would love to see that scene.

"No, Rogue. You can't see him. He's busy, it's not what you're thinking or what I'm implying to tease you. I really can't let you in."

"I want to see him." I repeat myself, speaking a little louder than necessary. "Is he even here?" I add, pushing her to the side and making my way inside. She loses her calm poise and follows me in, shouting at me. Tentatively, she tried to hold me by my shoulder, the look I gave her made her stop on her tracks, though.

"Rogue, you can't! You can't come in here! I mean it! He asked me to stop anyone who showed up, especially you." I stare at her incredulously. This couldn't possibly be happening. Again, I push her out of my way and she tries to hold me "I don't want to hurt you, please."

"Hurt me? Don't make me laugh! Where is he?" I ask, only to go speechless as I see the space between his bedroom door and the floor glowing pink.

"Is he? He can't possibly be this stupid. Tell me he isn't…" I babble.

"Time traveling? Of course he is about to do that. He wants you to love him again and will do anything to have your love and trust back."

I walk purposefully to the door and hold the knob, when Joelle stops me.

"Don't open it! It could cause a blast, he's told me." She warns me. "He'd die if anything happens to you, Rogue. He loves you, can't you see? He loves you and he's never cheated on you." She adds earnestly.

I narrow my eyes at her and I start banging on the door with closed fists.

"Remy! Remy! Please! Don't go, Remy!" I shout out. I can feel a vibration on the door. He's manipulating molecules, manipulating strands of time, probably about to disappear into another time. The pink glow flickers. He must have heard me.

"Remy, please. Stay! I wanna talk to you." I scream at the top of my lungs. "Goddamn it, Remy! Open up. I love you! I love you, okay? Now don't go fucking with time again. I love you, you…" The pink glow disappears in an instant.

Before I could finish my sentence with '…you ashole' the door swings open and out of it comes my man.

"Come again, chére? What did you say?" He says with a smirk.

"I said I want to talk to you."

"Non, you said something else." He walks towards me and only stops when our legs were almost touching. Towering over me, he touches my hair lovingly and looks down at me. My eyes meets his piercing gaze, and I can feel my legs turning to jelly. "You don't remember what you said? In that case, well, I have to go back in." And just like that, he turns on his heels.

"I love you, you idiot." I say through gritted teeth. He turns around and there's a knockout smile stamped on his face. Joelle, whose presence I had totally forgotten about, chuckles lightly at me calling him that. I steal a quick look at her over my shoulder and she simply puts her hands up as a sign of surrender.

"I give up. Seriously, I do! You guys were made for each other." She said with a weak smile, and heads to the guest bedroom. "I'll give you space. I'm glad you managed to stop him, Rogue. I told him he'd end up fucking something up with yet another time-travel. Apparently, I was eager to close the curtains of my long life, then he comes over to the past, leaves me this letter, acts so cool and makes me fall in love with him. Now I'm this person who still longs to live, to have something like what you guys have. Sorry for trying, Rogue. You know how irresistible he is better than anyone else."

I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned, disbelief spread across my face.

"I'm sorry, Joelle." Remy says. I could see he really meant it. "You know how we were a couple back in my timeline. But it was never you, I'm sorry. It was always her."

"So you did fuck Joelle!" I couldn't help myself, a second later realizing my mistake. His eyes met mine and his lips stretched into a humorous smirk.

"Not here, chére. Not when I was married to you, mon amour. Someday I can tell you all about all that happened during these five years we lived in different timelines." He cupped my face in his hands gently, making me meet his loving gaze. Solemnly, he said, "You know what they say that when two people love each other, they fight through everything together. Every doubt, every challenge, every pain. Fight with me, Anna LeBeau. Please. You are the only one for me, for as long as I live. If you love me too, as you just said, fight with me, chére. Not against me." My breath hitched in my lungs as I hear his words.

"Why else do you think I came here, sugar?" I spoke defiantly. He tried to kiss me, our lips touched, his skin felt soft and warm, just perfect to me. It was the smallest, gentlest, most earth-shattering kiss in the long and glorious history of kisses, but I broke it off when one of his hands slid down to my ass. I know how things escalate pretty fast with us.

"Listen to me, swamp rat, you dirty thief, you hot charming Cajun, you! You stole my heart the very day we met, when you teased me with your impertinent flirting. And every moment I have spent with you since then, you have stolen more and more of me until when you're not with me..." I drew in a breath. "When you are not with me, I am left with nothing but longing for you. And yeah, because I thought of you were with another woman, I had a damn broken heart. But I decided… I believe you when you say you didn't cheat. And I love our family too much to care about what other people will say."

He smiled widely, unguardedly, no hint of humour or sarcasm, just plain happiness. My gaze went from eyes to his lips, lips to eyes, eyes to lips. Thinking 'Goddamn it, Remy. Just kiss me already!'

As if he were a telepath, he seemed to hear my thoughts and placed his hands on my back and crushed my body to his chest, kissing me deeply, I felt the floor drop out from under my feet as his arms close tight around my waist. I moaned lightly.

"Sorry, chére. Is that too tight? Because of the baby…" he trailed off.

"It's fine, sugar." I assured him.

"Can we… do we… I mean, when you're pregnant… is it okay to…?"

"I never thought I'd see a day when Remy LeBeau couldn't talk about sex." I comment and chuckle. "We have had sex many many times when I was pregnant with Oli, sugar. There's nothing to it, you just… you just do it."

"Seriously? I don't think I could be… on top of you, for instance."

"Oh, Remy, some positions are off the table, but fear not, my favorite one is still on." And shot him a malicious smile. I glanced around, then took him by the hand to his bedroom and shut the door.

"Chére, I'm sure we have all the time in the world for that. Don't you wanna go and tell Oli the good news?"

"Not before I'm done with you, Remy." He blinked nervously and suck in a deep breath. "There's one thing you should know, sugar. First three months I got really sick and sleepy, now after those symptoms are gone, I get really horny. I want you, Remy." I pause, I can see he's slightly scared to do this. "I want you inside of me." I add, just in case I hadn't made myself clear.

Finally, he was convinced. We start kissing fervently, I place my arms around his neck, now he's the one who breaks it off, only to go down on his knees, sliding both his hands under my dress. I felt him fumble with my panties, getting them off completely and then tossing it aside over his shoulder.

His dark head bent, disappearing under my dress, my stomach clenches with anticipation. He urged my thighs apart. I had to brace myself, resting a hand on the wall as I felt the warmth of his mouth pressed between my legs. That well-known burn started low in my belly, the ache that his touch always sparked spreading under my skin with each swipe of his eager tongue and scrape of his stubble on my sensitive skin.

"Remy, I'm gonna fall." I say in desperation. 'Gosh, don't you know how you make me weak at the knees,?' I thought. He then took me to his bed and we made love like we hadn't in a long time. There's no hush hush, hanky panky from our lust filled 'accidents'. We took our time, we showed our love for each other through every touch, every stroke, every thrust.

When we finally left the room, Joelle was nowhere to be seen and to be completely honest, I had totally forgotten about her, as one does forget everything else in the world when they are riding Remy LeBeau.

"You should pack your things, sugar." I tell him. "Let's go back home." He smiles at me and pulls me close. Burying his face in my neck, he plants little kisses there, making me moan. I breath in deeply and smell his hair. It makes me so in love with him. He lets go of me and his eyes meet mine.

"Yes, chére. Let's go. I want nothing more than that." He searches the apartment for Joelle and finds the room she was staying completely empty. There was a note on the pillow that simply said "Thank you." Days later he came over the apartment for mail, and found her keys inside the mailbox.

-O-

"Good to see you guys so happy." The doctor commented. I know he was probably referring to the fact that I was not glaring at my husband, as in all our previous appointments, but smiling tenderly at him instead. I saw the good doctor watched the way our fingers intertwined. Oli followed us inside.

"Can he stay too?" I asked.

"Oh, of course he can."

"So, do you think we'll be able to see which kind we're having today, doc?" Remy asked with a smirk.

"It's up to baby, Mr. LeBeau."

Oh, enough with the chitty chat! Men! I just want to pee. Let's get on with this already!

"Shall we get started?" I try not to sound too bossy, but I'm not sure I was successful. Both men shut up and the gel is splashed over my bump promptly. Oli demands that Remy holds him in his arms so he can take a better look.

"What is that on the TV, daddy?" Frowning at the image on the screen, Oli asks.

"Your brother or sister." Remy tells him before kissing the top of our son's head.

"Sister." The doctor said.

"Sister?" Oli asks. "It looks like a baby whale." He says, looking a bit disappointed. I laugh at his sincerity and innocence.

"Wow! A girl? We're having a girl?" Remy looks amazed. "You always knew, chére!" He comments excitedly with raised brows.

"Maybe I have some time traveling abilities and took a peek into the future, huh?" I blink at him.

The other day Remy told me just how far apart we had been in his timeline. And if there's anything we are sure of is that we never want to let go of each other. We have our ups and down, our old banter never fades away, days of love and days of 'My God! What have I seen in you?' and that's normal, that's life. I love this man with all my heart and the family we built, our children, even more if that's possible.

It's hard to believe that we had drifted apart in his timeline and then again, in mine. But I'm thankful, oh so, so grateful, that Remy took our lonely hearts and broken souls and made them converge into one.

The End

-O-

That's it, people! I may be writing an epilogue, a pillow talk when Gambit tells Rogue all the things she used to do in his timeline. I'd love to hear her say "Alex Summers and me? No way!"

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or a kuddo if you like it. I'm a feedback whore. >D


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